Comfortable Beings
Comfortable Beings
by sa.re
Chat-fic and other benign conversations #2
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
Emily Dickinson
After pulling a thirty-six hour shift, all Haruno Sakura wanted was to either hold her six month old baby in her arms or sleep for an entire day. Of course, she couldn't have both. Predictably, the thought didn't frustrate or annoy her. Just the idea of her baby Sarada filled her with such inexplicable joy that she already felt her tired lips stretch into a loving smile.
Thank goodness for Ino. She had come to babysit Sarada, on such short notice, when Sakura had to perform emergency surgery and cover a shift for a colleague, who had unexpectedly gone into labour. Sakura trudged up to her front step and fished out the key from her pocket. The moment she stepped through the door, she knew her evening was in no way going to go as she had pictured it.
Her back snapped upright and the back of her neck prickled. A strange stillness hung in the air. It belied the atmosphere in which a loud and cranky baby like Sarada lived. Instinctively, she checked for any disturbance in the protective seal she had in her home.
There was nothing wrong with the seal.
So it's not an outsider, Sakura reasoned, silently making her way towards Sarada's room. Emotionlessly, she quickly catalogued the empty crib, various discarded toys, and her daughter's favourite navy blue blanket.
Her brain was going through a steady stream of battle plans, contingency plans, and such. She was ready to deal with anything. The war had taught her to be prepared while being detached from all the screaming emotions inside her.
Within seconds, she was in the living room. Even though the space was small, she had arranged her furniture in such a way that the room seemed bigger than it was in reality. The moment she entered the room, Ino's head snapped towards her. She was tense, to say the least. Ino's lips were pressed into a tight line and she jerked her head towards the far end of the wall.
Following her gaze, Sakura found her husband, still and motionless, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, facing away from them. In his arm, their daughter was tucked against his chest. Sarada was sleeping peacefully, drooling on her papa's clothes.
The hyper vigilance that had kept her moving faded away, and she breathed out a sigh of relief. She motioned to Ino to stay put and slowly inched her way towards her husband and daughter. Carefully, without making any sudden movements, she kneeled at his side.
"Anata." Sakura murmured, leaning closer to him.
He did not respond.
Sakura's hand brushed against his and gently pried away their sleeping daughter.
Sarada cooed, her eyes moving under her closed eyelids, Sakura pressed a kiss on her forehead and the baby girl immediately settled down. She heard Ino's stumbling steps as she hurried to take the baby from Sakura. In the utter stillness, her best friend's movements were too loud. Holding the baby carefully, Ino marched out of the room without looking back. Sakura knew her friend was going to take care of her baby and then quietly slip out of the house. Sakura did not take offence to that, of course. Ino had gone above and beyond in this situation.
But now, she will take care of it.
Of her baby.
And her beloved husband.
Fortunately, she wouldn't have to do it alone. With that thought in mind, she quickly performed the technique to send a secret message to one of the few people who knew about it.
With that taken care of, she turned to her husband, whose face was still turned away from her. His only hand remained curled over his heart, where Sarada had rested. Her emerald eyes glistened as if they were the only source of light in a dark cave.
Her hands cupped his cheek, and she gently pulled his face towards her. Her hands were rough and coarse but so gentle as she brushed them against his cheek and the corner of his mouth. Leaning her forehead against his, she breathed out, "Sasuke-kun."
Finally, a response.
He let out a broken breath and just as quickly tried to gulp it back up. Sakura made some nonsensical sounds of reassurance. Slowly, she curled her lithe body into Sasuke's. His one arm was wrapped around her waist loosely and his dark mismatched eyes stared vacantly at the wall from where his chin was perched on her shoulder.
Sakura hummed a mindless tune in his ear while stroking his hair. She lost track of how long they stayed like that. Her throat felt sore and she was sure she must have drifted off at some point. Thankfully, Sasuke had loosened up a little from before.
Sakura knew he wasn't there yet. He was still lost in his head, in the countless memories of pain, betrayal, hurt, and loneliness. Her heart ached anew. The ache inside her throbbed like a free flowing wound. The moment she had assumed that it had stopped bleeding, something like this would happen-something which would remind her of the magnitude of loss they had all suffered-and again it would start bleeding mercilessly.
Maybe it will never heal.
She pressed a kiss against Sasuke's forehead and a tear rolled down her cheeks, getting lost in the tangle of his hair.
It was time.
She slowly stood up. Ignoring the pain shooting through her tired limbs, she gripped her husband by his shoulders to help him stand up.
He stood and swayed the moment she let go of him. Immediately, she grabbed him, swinging his arm against her shoulders, and started walking.
She could have easily picked him up and carried him securely to their room. It was not like Sasuke-kun minded the idea of her being so strong to be able to do that. No, it was more about the state he was in that it disallowed any presupposition.
He was too unresponsive. She swallowed hard against the rock clogging her throat. She breathed slowly, in and out. Repeating the motions, she felt Sasuke-kun respond to it.
Sakura peaked into her daughter's room, finding her sleeping peacefully in her crib. Sakura felt relieved and prayed for a good night.
Entering their room, she directed Sasuke to sit on the bed. Rushing to her bathroom, she fumbled to get everything ready. For one panicked moment, she debated indecisively about the best possible option for Sasuke-kun to feel comfortable. Remembering his previous incidents, her friends, and her own experiences, she opted for a warm shower instead of a long elaborate bath. Deciding, she left the room.
Sasuke-kun was just where she had left him. Staring down at the floor as if it held all the answers to the universe. He did not so much as twitch when she knelt at his feet to quickly remove his shoes.
It didn't take her long to undress him from his travel worn clothes and tug him into the bathroom, grabbing two pairs of soft pyjamas with her. When she had removed her clothes, she found Sasuke-kun standing rigidly under the spray of water. Frowning, she covered the distance and hissed at the cold sheet of spray hitting her body. Promptly, she switched to warm water. After testing the temperature, she pushed Sasuke under the spray.
Positioning herself in front of him, she tipped his head to look at his face.
It didn't matter to her how many days or years had been coloured with some of the most painful memories that came to be associated with this face, she would love him just the same. Her beautiful, twisted and imperfect man. Pressing a feather light kiss on his lips and her fingers moving over his face, she could see some awareness returning to his eyes.
Nabbing the soap, she worked on lathering both of them up. Stepping up behind him, she grabbed hold of the shampoo and plunged her chakra filled hands inside his hair.
For the first time in hours, Sasuke hummed at the feeling.
Sakura smiled and redoubled her efforts.
While washing the soap off their bodies, Sakura runs an unobtrusive check on her husband's physical condition. She always worried when the gap between his return was too long. Her insides itched at the thought of her husband suffering a grievous injury or worse. Logically, she knew her husband was one of the truly powerful shinobi. But the war has washed away any certainty about anything.
Deeming him physically healthy enough to worry about the details tomorrow, she pulled him out of the shower stall and handed him the towel. Turning away from him, to take care of herself, she kept watching from the corner of her eyes as he methodically dried himself.
But that seemed to be the limit of his participation.
The moment she handed him the shirt, she knew she had made a huge mistake. He froze, stock still, his eyes staring down at his family crest. She could almost see the faint trembling across his tall frame, his hand white knuckled at the shirt, and abruptly he dropped it. It drifted down the floor and Sakura smoothly kicked it away. Her hand found him and she forced him out of the room.
Cursing at her own stupidity, she was glad that she had at least had the foresight to hand him the pants before the shirt. Calling herself thousands of horrid names, she came out of the door to find the one person she had called for, looking out of the small window. He whirled around just as they came out of the bathroom.
"Naruto." She sighed, partly in relief but mostly in happiness at his presence. Naruto smiled at her. He looked tired, and he was still partially wearing his uniform. Sakura could guess that on the back of her dining table chair, there will be one haphazardly thrown Hokage robe at the back of it.
He crossed the room in a long stride, wrapped her in a warm embrace and kissed her forehead.
"Sakura-chan… " He whispered as he stepped away from her, keeping his arm wrapped around her waist. "How is he?"
She sighed and moved her body so that both of them could see Sasuke-kun sitting on the foot of the bed, entirely unaware of anybody in the room.
"Not good." She whispered back. "I think I made it worse."
Naruto hummed in sympathy at her reply, bringing her closer to him. He spoke with his lips on her hair.
"I bought some food. I don't think Sasuke has eaten anything. Go, bring it." He ordered uncompromisingly.
Sakura opened her mouth to protest but Naruto cut her off.
"I will sit with him. Go, Sakura-chan. I know about the shift you pulled. We will talk about that later." He added sternly. Letting her go, he walked over and casually dropped down beside Sasuke. His body brushed against his as he leaned over to start whispering to him.
Sakura pouted and did as she was ordered.
The young and naive Sakura would have assumed that the only food for Naruto would be Ichiraku ramen but of course, now she knew her teammate, her best friend, pretty well. She smiled gently at the meticulously packed food, containing both of her's and Sasuke-kun's favourites.
Naruto spoiled them so shamelessly.
She put their bowls and side dishes on a large tray. She knew that none of them had eaten anything for a while, so it was better to bring everything. She glanced inside her baby's room to find the same scene as before.
Sarada was allowing her a day without any fits. Her baby girl must have been so happy being held by her papa. Sakura smiled and shook her head.
Inside the room, she put down the trey at the bedside table and found that Naruto had successfully manoeuvred Sasuke-kun up against the headboard. Naruto was chattering away, as quietly as possible for him, about his son.
He was glowing with happiness and his ever present grin broadened as he recounted the latest tale about his too resourceful son. Sasuke's eyes were fixed on Naruto's enthusiastically moving hand.
"Okay, let's eat as we listen to the latest misadventures of one young Uzumaki Boruto." Sakura teased, handing over the bowls and positioning the tray in the middle of the bed.
They eat.
In the midst of gossip and harmless tales from Sakura and Naruto, Sasuke steadily finished his portion of food.
As Naruto insisted on taking care of the dishes, Sasuke’s hand went to cup Sakura’s cheek. She stilled, her gaze snapped up to meet his intensely focused eyes. His thumb brushed against her lower lips and they parted unconsciously. His lips tipped up, watching her lips and eyes. He closed the gap and kissed her. Gently and thoroughly.
The worried and anxious part of her finally settled inside her with the knowledge that everything was going to be alright.
They parted, breathing heavily, pressed against each other.
"Sakura." He said hoarsely as if his throat had almost forgotten the reason for its existence. Tears filled her eyes and she made a small sound in reply, not trusting herself to speak.
"Thank you." His voice broke at the end and she surged forward to wrap herself around him tightly. She wished she could squeeze herself into the emptiness gnawing inside his soul. She wished she could pour the love and care that she feels for him. She wished she could warm his aching loneliness and soothe the hurt deep inside him.
Oh, how she wished.
But she knew now that it was not within her ability to do so.
So she did what she could to be his solace, his silent and unconditional support.
Also knowing that she was not the only one helped. She felt the bed dip beside her and a soothing hand ran from her back to her hair to Sasuke’s cheek.
"Naruto." Sasuke said, and with her body against his, she could feel the vibration of the name.
Naruto interrupted before Sasuke could say something idiotic like thank you. "It's okay, Sasuke. Sakura and Sarada are okay. So am I and my family. You are gonna be okay too. You are good."
She felt Sasuke-kun's last shred of tension melt away. He had needed to hear those words. His hand tightened around Sakura, refusing to let her go, not that she even wanted to.
She heard Sasuke-kun swallow loudly.
"Stay…?" It was a barely audible plea from Sasuke-kun. If Sakura and Naruto weren't basically plastered against him in some way, they wouldn't have even heard of it.
Naruto huffed out an exasperated breath.
"Of course, baka. No way am I leaving." He said with his usual self assuredness.
Sakura was sure if she looked at him now, he would be sporting the same annoying grin that used to make her want to smack him silly.
Now she just wanted to cuff him.
Gently.
A low, rasping chuckle came from Sasuke at Naruto’s antics. He arranged himself comfortably in the bed, tucking his wife closer to his chest and burying his nose in her cherry hair. Breathing in the sweet citrus smell of home. He relaxed. Naruto murmured something about washing up and left.
He had almost drifted to sleep when he felt a shift behind him and a long, hard body pressed up against him. It was familiar, and when a long arm wrapped him and Sakura in warmth, he melted into the bed.
Uchiha Sasuke let it go.
Tucked between the two people he loved most in the world, he slept peacefully.
***
The loud, annoying sound woke her from her much needed sleep. Sakura groaned and slapped her palm, where she guessed the source of the offending sound was located. It sputtered but resumed the noise in full gusto.
Sakura chuckled, shaking her head.
Sasuke must not have had much sleep either. Sakura giggled at the idea of her husband’s disgruntled face. Suddenly her eyes landed on the innocent alarm clock and she cursed aloud. Launching herself out of bed, she rushed through a short version of her morning routine.
She had to feed Sarada! She had to take care of her baby! She must be so hungry by now. How could she have forgotten Sasuke-kun’s state of mind! Her family needed her and she had overslept!
Her feet came to a sudden stop when she entered her sunny kitchen. She blinked at the scene laid out in front of her. Her daughter was babbling and giggling as she tried to catch her Papa’s hair. Her husband was solemnly trying to feed her and as usual, Sarada enjoyed wearing her food more than eating it.
Her feet unconsciously led her to the pair. Snatching away the cloth on the wrack she kept solely to clean her daughter during meal times, she gently wiped at Sarada’s face. Little Sarada squealed happily at the sight of her mother, trying to smear Sakura’s face with her tiny hands. Sakura grinned and took hold of her hands to clean them.
She found one clean spot on her daughter's face, blew a raspberry, making her squeal rapturously and then kissed her flushed cheeks. She turned her head towards Sasuke-kun, who was still holding a half filled spoon afloat, watching them with warm eyes. Unable to help herself, she kissed him firmly. Being able to share a single moment of just having the pleasure of staring at each other was enough to make them stay lost in each other for a while. Their daughter’s insistent noise broke them away from their moment and Sasuke went back to tending to her needs. Of wearing more food.
Exasperated at her daughter’s joy, she watched with amusement as her husband tried to feed Sarada with a gravity she had only seen him wear a few times in her life.
Without looking away from the pair, Sakura finally acknowledged the other person merrily making use of her kitchen. “Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing?”
“Eh?” was the intelligent reply from the old man. “Sakura-chan, how many times have I told you that I am not your sensei anymore? Mm?”
Sakura’s eyebrow twitched at the deliberate emphasis of the suffix.
“As to what I am doing,” continued Kakashi, completely unbothered about angering his very short-tempered ex-student. “I’m making breakfast.”
With this proclamation, he placed the dishes with a flourish on the table. Sakura eyed everything with a thinly veiled suspicion and then raised her eyes to the man wearing her pink apron with vibrant rainbows. Kakashi beamed back at her happily. Sakura arched an eyebrow, waiting for his actual answer.
“Sakura, I’m hurt that you think I need a reason to visit my favourite ex-student!” Kakashi exclaimed dramatically. Sakura raised both her eyebrows. This time in clear disbelief. She shot a swift glance at Sasuke, who was wholly focused on feeding Sarada.
Kakashi huffed, indignantly.
“Ok fine. I came to visit my favourite granddaughter.” Kakashi finished seemingly satisfied with his undeniable reasoning.
“I thought Boruto was your favourite grandson.” came the sleep roughened voice of Naruto from behind him.
Kakashi laughed self consciously, “Of course, Boruto is my favourite grandson! But little Sarada-chan is my favourite granddaughter. Aren’t you, Sarada-chan?” he cooed at the baby who slapped her relatively clean hands on his mask-clad face.
Naruto snorted.
Sakura giggled.
Sasuke shook his head.
Poor Kakashi tried to valiantly remove the baby food grub from his face. Sighing, he accepted his defeat.
“Breakfast, children?” Kakashi voiced out and everyone made their own intonations of agreement.
Everyone settled down at the table and had a loud meal; where Naruto pointed out Kakashi’s blatant favouritism with their children, Sakura agreed with Kakashi that his obvious denial to call any one person his favourite just proves that he doesn’t have one, with Sasuke occasionally throwing a comment or two to fuel both sides and Sarada chiming in with her own incomprehensible chatter.
After the meal Naruto loudly volunteered himself to do the cleanup, heroically adding that Sakura-chan would help him. That earned him a swift smack on the back of his head.
Kakashi bid his goodbye to the duo at the kitchen sink and made his way to the front door with Sasuke, carrying Sarada in his arm, trailing behind him silently.
Kakashi paused at the door and looked back at Sasuke. He stretched out his arms to grab hold of Sasuke by his shoulders and peered into his eyes.
“You are doing so well, Sasuke. I know how difficult it is but I want you to know that I am proud of you.” Kakashi said, his eyes crinkling into a smile. He sounded happy and sure.
Sasuke could feel the tears pooling, mercilessly, in his eyes. He choked out a shuddery breath and looked away from Kakashi’s understanding eyes.
Kakashi sighed and hugged him. Sarada squirmed at the added warmth.
Letting both of them go, he stepped back and said, “Come meet your old man sometimes, will you?”
Sasuke nodded.
Kakashi smiled, waved at them and walked out of the house. The door was shut softly behind him.
Sasuke stood there, trying to hold the too big emotions surmounting him from all sides.
For so long, a part of him had crooned the dark melody of how he would never find peace or happiness. How he would never deserve it. That after all he had done or what had been done to him, he was nothing but a monster.
But here, with all these people who let him break into pieces just to gently help him rebuild himself once again, he had found it.
Peace. Acceptance. And home.
He could seek his redemption out there in the world and then come back when he couldn't anymore. Yes, he would not wait until he fell apart. His people didn’t deserve that. Neither did he, for that matter.
Because…
“You are here.” He whispered to his baby girl and brushed his nose against her little ones, making her cross-eyed. She giggled and he smiled.
You, as in the self-proclaimed ‘old man’ Kakashi.
You- is his best friend, Naruto.
You- is the only woman for him, Sakura.
You- will always be his daughter, Sarada.
Having them in his life was what he meant when he thought of how he had everything he never thought he would ever deserve.
Everything- yes, this word rightly encapsulates what he felt for them.
Sarada clapped her hands as if understanding and appreciating her Papa's decision-his ideas. He bounced her in his arm, making her giggle. He turned to walk back to the rest of his “everything”, squabbling in the kitchen.
***
Unnoticed by worldly people,
the chestnut tree
is in full bloom.
Bashō
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