Of a Wedding and heart weavings

by sa.re

Had I not let it go like

A stammerer

Or a deaf

Or a person staring vacantly

Had I loved

The moment more passionately

by Chong Hyon-jong

part I: character situations;

where things are brewing

i.

There were about a hundred and one things that Lan Xichen should be doing at this moment instead of babysitting a three year old. He did not mind, honestly. Tending to a lovely little boy was a relief in comparison to the pressing things he was supposed to be doing. He wanted to stay right here; in the wide room bathed in sunshine, playing with a cheerful little boy. He smiled tenderly at the boy shrieking with laughter when the misshapen structure he was building fell down. His little hands picked up the pieces of blocks strewn across the floor and started rebuilding.

Such resilience, Xichen thought, his eyes misting over with the memories best forgotten. If only he could also pick up his fragmented self and rebuild them-into a whole. Unfortunately, he does not even know where those parts of himself are anymore. Xichen was pulled away from his morose thoughts with his cell phone ringing. He pulled it out and answered without looking at it.

“Lan-zoushu, is A-yuan with you?” the tentative voice asked him. Wen Ning. Xichen let out a short breath.

“Yes, Wen Ning. He is on the second floor of the eastern wing.” Xichen replied to his unspoken question.

What followed next was Wen Ning apologising for bothering him and thanking him for taking care of his little cousin. Xichen ended the call after assuring that no, A-yuan is not a bother at all. Actually Wen Yuan is the only person in the entire building with whom Xichen did not mind spending his time with. Everyone else falls under the list of people non grata.

Even his beloved little brother, Wangji. Especially Wangji. His dear, foolish and hurting little brother, who is going to have to watch the love of his life marry another in a few hours.

Xichen’s footsteps paused in the hall outside the room where Wen Ning is now supervising A-yuan. Xichen knew about the curse that the Lans have suffered through generations: falling in love with a single person. Xichen thinks that the curse is misunderstood because it is not about loving one person for an entire life but never experiencing a requited love. The truth is that the Lans are difficult people to love.

Unlovable, you mean, a snide remark sparked inside his head. Xichen’s shoulders dropped from its perfect position. His right arm reached out to the wall to steady himself. His eyes blankly stared down at his shiny shoes.

Now is not the time! He thought fiercely to himself. Indeed, he has to see this wedding through and then stay with Wangji. Xichen had already booked tickets out of the country and reserved a house on top of a mountain. They will stay there until Wangji has gathered enough strength to face a world where Wei Wuxian would never be his. And Xichen would be right there beside him. Always.

Determined, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He straightened just in time to see Luo Qingyang walking towards him. By the time she reached Xichen, he had already regained his composure.

“Good morning, Lan Xichen.” She greeted him. “I have dragged Wei Wuxian from his bed. Where do you want him?”

A spiteful part of Xichen wanted to say that he wanted Wei Wuxian as far away from his baby brother as possible. But of course that is too ridiculous so he settled, rather regretfully, on being rational.

“Good morning to you too, Luo Qinyang.” Xichen smiled pleasantly, “Good thing that Wei-gongzi is here. We are on schedule then. You can take him to the groom's chamber. It is located in the west wing, second floor.”

Luo Qingyang nodded, her mouth set in a hard line. She walked away without making any further conversation or asking Xichen to meet Wei Wuxian, his soon to be cousin-in-law. Xichen shook his head, time to cross out the hundreds of things he needed to check out. He said a silent prayer for the day to end quickly and as painlessly as possible.

ii.

Wei Wuxian was mindlessly humming under his breath (You’re my best friend by Queen) while buttoning up his crisp white shirt and trying really, really hard not to have a complete meltdown. He had been left alone in the room and he could not decide whether to be grateful for the privacy or to be scared out of his mind because everyone trusted him not to bolt.

Which he totally won’t.

Really.

He won’t.

Because Wei Wuxian might be a lot of things but never someone who would break his promises. He stared at himself through the mirror and the image of a happy A-yuan filtered through his mind’s eye. No, Wei Wuxian would never break promises to protect the people he loves. He does love Wen Qing. Probably not like his mother and father had loved each other. But she is one of his good friends. They will rock this marriage thing.

Wei Wuxian nodded to himself in determination.

After all, more than marrying the love of your life, the realistic narratives focus on friends who become lovers. So maybe someday, Wei Wuxian would fall in love with Wen Qing. Right? His tautly held body suddenly deflated and he slumped over a nearby chair. With his head in his hands, he let the feeling of panic wash over him.

He really wished that Lan Zhan was here! Lan Zhan would know just what to say or not to say to ease Wei Wuxian’s worries. From the moment he had proposed to Wen Qing and they told everyone that they were getting married, there had been all kinds of obstacles. Everyone wanted Wei Wuxian to think over or they directly told him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Even the kindhearted Lan Xichen seemed to be angry with him. Oh, he had tried to temper it behind a pleasant mask but Wei Wuxian had seen the simmering fury inside his usually warm gaze. The lunch with his in-laws (to-be) a few weeks later confirmed his suspicion. It was the most uncomfortable afternoon of his life. Lan Xichen with his husband, Wen Xu, and Wei Wuxian with Wen Qing. Wei Wuxian shuddered. He would have to do his best to ease his soon to be cousin-in-law’s anger.

It infuriated him that everyone was so against it. Only Lan Zhan had silently stayed beside him. He had patiently listened to all of his rants, both the logical ones and the angry ones. Although Wei Wuxian would be lying if he said that Lan Zhan had not tried to change his mind the first time, yet one of the best things about Lan Zhan is that when you talk to him, he listens. No matter how different your opinion is from his own.

Honestly, without Lan Zhan this marriage would not have become a reality. He was Wei Wuxian’s silent and steady pillar of strength.

Where was Lan Zhan though? He is the early riser between them so why is he not here yet? Wei Wuxian fretted with the possibility of Lan Zhan not turning up.

The door clicked shut behind him. Wei Wuxian’s head snapped up to watch Lan Zhan slowly make his way inside the room.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian sprang up from his seat, grinning at the stoic Lan. His best friend nodded at his greeting, swiftly walking up to him.

Damn, Lan Zhan sure cleans up well, Wei Wuxian thought, admiring the way early morning light fell on the crisp suit.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan’s deep voice held a plethora of questions and exasperation. Wei Wuxian’s grin softened and he felt his body relax. There is no one in the whole world who understands him better than Lan Zhan.

“Hey, don’t complain. Look, I got ready all on my own! I even combed my hair and did not wear my shirt inside-out.” Wei Wuxian said, proudly thrusting his chest out and brushing a stray hair from his forehead.

Then something weird happened. Lan Zhan's honey eyes focused on him and in the bright sunlit room, his eyes glittering like tiny specks of gold flakes, Lan Zhan ran them along the length of Wei Wuxian’s body. Nothing was left unseen; from the top of his head to his sock covered feet. It was so tangible that it left Wei Wuxian breathless.

What?

Lan Zhan casually stepped right into his personal space, and taking out a red flower from somewhere, he started tucking it gently on We Wuxian’s coat. Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian were of the same height so when Lan Zhan tilted his head downwards, concentrating on pinning the flower, his breath fanned directly across Wei Wuxian’s face. Dazedly, Wei Wuxian recognized the welcoming fragrance of sandalwood which has always accompanied his best friend. Wei Wuxian inhaled deeply and felt himself fall into a weird state of peace and agitation. However the mix of emotions did not arouse any sense of urgency-to get away. In fact he could spend his entire life in just this moment.

Lan Zhan brushed his hands slowly from his shoulders to his chest and Wei Wuxuan felt the burning imprint of his warmth even through the layers he was wearing. Lan Zhan stepped back, his face more expressionless than Wei Wuxian could ever remember.

Wei Wuxian shook his head to jerk all these feelings and sensations aside. This marriage anxiety is screwing with his head.

Wei Wuxian let out a weak chuckle and ran the tips of his fingers through the pretty flower. “Oh Lan Zhan, whatever would I do without you?”

Lan Zhan did not say anything. It did not bother Wei Wuxian. He simply turned to the mirror to check what else he needed to do.

“Oh, hey! When this marriage thing is over, let's meet up. I want to take you to that new restaurant downtown. They have all the stuff you like.” Wei Wuxuan was energised just from the idea of his best friend’s quiet satisfaction with his quirky food choices.

Lan Zhan did not reply. So taking that as a yes, Wei Wuxian proceeded to talk his ear off about his plans after the wedding.

“Since Wen Qing’s Uncle is sending us to a honeymoon.” Wei Wuxian grimaced, looking down at some make-up supplies and completely missing the tiny jerk of Lan Wangji’s body and the way he abruptly turned away from him. “We were thinking of smuggling A-yuan with us. Unfortunately, Wen Ning won’t be able to come. That would be too difficult to explain. But if it wasn’t I would have totally taken you with me, Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian grinned at the back of Lan Zhan’s head.

“It would have been nice if we all could go, you know. Wen Ruohan has paid for everything.” Before Wei Wuxian could continue to explain the details about the place and its many virtues, Lan Wangji’s voice cut him off.

“It is your honeymoon, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian froze. There was something in Lan Zhan’s voice, something he could not identify which made his heart clench for some reason. He gulped and met the hardened eyes of Lan Zhan through the mirror.

“You know it’s not like that, Lan Zhan. I and Wen Qing are not-” Wei Wuxian's weak voice broke off, unable to understand his or his best friend’s feelings. The atmosphere inside the room was stifling.

“I won’t be able to go to the restaurant with you, Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian blinked in surprise. What?

Lan Zhan avoided eye contact and after a beat said, “I’m taking the job.”

Wei Wuxian was confused and waited for Lan Zhan to elaborate. When it looked like Lan Zhan was just waiting for Wei Wuxian’s response, he started to wrack his brain for a reference.

With a sudden flash of clarity, he remembered. About four months ago, he and Lan Zhan, as per their usual routine, were taste-tasting at a new restaurant when Lan Zhan had told him of the job at a prestigious law firm which would boost his career in leaps and bounds. But there was one thing stopping him from taking it. He would have to relocate. Wei Wuxian had encouraged him and had excitedly said how he would look for a research position in the city, “We will have so much fun together, Lan Zhan!” Lan Zhan’s lips had tipped into a smile, making Wei Wuxian burst with joy.

He remembered all that. But it was before Wei Wuxian decided to marry Wen Qing.

Lan Zhan is taking the job…. Lan Zhan is going away…

“You are moving to a different continent?!” Wei Wuxian burst out, a storm of emotions surging inside him.

Lan Zhan nodded.

“When?” Wei Wuxian demanded.

“In two weeks.” Lan Zhan’s response was soft and suddenly the space between them seemed so vast that it scared Wei Wuxian with the thought of never being able to reach him again. The room was simultaneously too small yet too wide to hold them.

Wei Wuxian forced a chuckle out of his stiff lips. The sound was so foreign that he could barely recognise it.

“So soon, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Zhan did not reply.

Wei Wuxian abruptly turned away from the mirror to look anywhere but at Lan Zhan.

“So this is the last time we will see each other?” Wei Wuxian had meant it to be a statement but an idotic hope inside him wanted Lan Zhan to assure him that he was wrong.

“Yes.” There was a finality in Lan Zhan’s tone. Wei Wuxian refused to acknowledge any of it. Ever the person to be firmly and stubbornly swimming in the ocean of denial, Wei Wuxian jerkily turned to Lan Zhan.

“It’s okay, Lan Zhan! The opportunity is too great to pass it up. Besides, I will come to visit you. So what if you are a couple of hours' plane ride away?” Wei Wuxian’s forcefully cheerful voice held a strain of desperation. Lan Wangji’s head snapped up to look at Wei Ying, his heart softened at the clear agitation in his beautiful eyes. Lan Wangji’s heart clenched at the sight.

“Yes.” Lan Zhan acknowledged, soft eyes of liquid gold soothing Wei Wuxian’s fraught nerves.

“Don’t worry, Lan Zhan, you are not getting rid of me so easily.” Wei Wuxian teased seriously.

The knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Wen Ning stepped inside with A-yuan in his arms.

“Gege!” The child cried gleefully, throwing his little arms at Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian grinned, his face lighting up from within and as A-yuan nestled into his arms, he was reminded again of why marrying Wen Qing was so important.

His gaze fell on Lan Zhan and he saw a warm understanding. At least the person whose opinion mattered the most in the world understood why he was doing this and that is enough for Wei Wuxian.

iii.

1

2

3

…

Nie Mingjue counted and just breathed.

He knew he was delaying the inevitable. He needed to help Xichen go through his little to-do list. An involuntary smile graced his lips at the image of Xichen squinting at his cell phone or god forbid a clipboard.

He chuckled.

Mingjue gently banged his head on the steering wheel. His concentration fractured into pieces. He sighed. Of course it was Lan Xichen who had the power to break through every wall that Mingjue has ever built, with a mere whisper of his name or his image. That's all it takes.

His stupidly beautiful best friend.

And the only person he had fallen so deeply and irrevocably in love with.

Lan Xichen, who was also married to Wen Xu. Has been for the past four years, six months and five days.

Mingjue’s breath rushed out of him. The old wound ached, ever new. Mingjue has resigned himself to living with it for the rest of his life. He is happy as long as Xichen is in his life, in any capacity. Because the months he spent without him was a hell that Mingjue never wanted to live through again.

He forced himself to count again.

Today he has to stand with Xichen and watch Wangji’s heart break into a thousand pieces. Mingjue had sworn silently when he had heard the news of Wei Wuxian’s marriage that he would help Wangji deal with the pain-so similar to his own. He doubted there was anyone who knew what he was suffering better than Mingjue.

The cell phone rang just before his brain could play the memory of Xichen’s marriage all those years ago. Damn his perfect memory with everything that causes him pain!

Mingjue fumbled with a borderline desperation for his cell phone and without looking he picked it up.

“Are you here yet?” Nie Huaisang demanded.

“Hello to you too, A-sang. Yes, I’m here.” Mingjue said dryly.

Huaisang snorted inelegantly. “Are you freaking out in the parking lot, right now?”

Mingjue had long ago stopped being surprised at his brother’s creepy level of perception. Mingjue sighed, without replying.

“Da-ge…” Huaisang’s voice softened and Mingjue knew what his little brother left unsaid. You don’t have to be here, da-ge. Haven’t you given enough to Xichen-ge?! I know you want to be there for Wangji but you don’t have to be part of every little thing!

Mingjue knew his little brother was only looking out for him and he tried his best not to be angry at him. Because Nie Huaisang did not know what it was like to love someone so deeply with no hope of them ever loving you back and then watch someone who had the right to love them, instead throw away the gift. Huaisang did not understand the layers of pain, frustration and the sheer want inside of him when he is with Lan Xichen.

“I will be in just a moment, A-sang.” Mingjue’s voice came out steady and sure.

Nie Huaisang sighed. He heard the faint noise of bickering from the other end, Mingjue smiled, immediately recognizing the voice of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. Some things never change.

They hung up soon after.

Mingjue allowed himself five more minutes of self pity and tried to be brave. Because he knew Lan Xichen really would not want to see him today.

Mingjue got out of his car and let the argument of the previous evening come to surface. He knew he had been stupid and reckless. But it was all Lan Xichen’s fault. The beautiful self-sacrificing fool was ranting about his little brother's heartbreak, while firmly ignoring his own.

Mingjue pulled open the side door of the large mansion where Wen Ruohan was hosting Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing’s marriage. Last evening, Mingjue’s mistake was being too free with the wine. Everything was hitting too close to home for Mingjue-the similar grandiose mansion of Wen Ruohan and the same injustice of marriage for convenience.

So Mingjue had watched Xichen’s rant against Wei Wuxian. Briefly, he had forgotten that they were not as before. He had forgotten that they were not just Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue. He had forgotten that he was not a boy with a blinding crush on his best friend and he had forgotten that Lan Xichen was married to Wen Xu. It was not only the wine but it was the way Xichen had looked under the setting sun- so alive fueled with a righteous anger.

He had asked Xichen, what about you? What about your heart?

And that question had turned Xichen as white as a sheet. He had looked as if Nie Mingjue had sucker punched him in the gut.

Mingjue was lying. He had not forgotten anything. He could never forget, even after downing gallons of wine. What he forgot was the million reasons for not saying everything aloud.

They had fought. It was ugly. All the frustration and love Mngjue had for Xichen burst out, wanting the man to see that he was wasting his life with a man who would never care about him or love him the way he deserves.

But Mingjue also forgot how fragile his beloved really is. Or rather he had not let himself realise how vulnerable and broken his beloved has become. He had watched a tiny part of Xichen crumble. Was it his pride? Was it his denial? Oh god, why did Mingjue have to say anything?

But Xichen had regained his composure and had fought back. It had given Mingjue more hope than ever before. Yet Mingjue had barely slept last night, his mind had replayed the ugly fight and he had hated-himself and Wen Xu all the more.

His feet stopped abruptly. His head and body turned automatically to the direction where he could hear Xichen’s voice.

Just like Mingjue had pictured. There he was, squinting at his phone (looking at his checklist, Mingjue is sure) and talking gently to one of his helpers. Xichen looked up as if feeling his gaze. Finding Nie Mingjue, he seemed visibly surprised.

Oh Xichen, how little you know me. Mingjue thought fondly exasperated, smiled gently at the man.

As he came closer, he saw Xichen start to smile. It was a different smile. A good smile. It warmed Mingjue to his core to be able to glimpse at the Xichen he knew from before.

“Hello, Mingjue.” He murmured, smiling up at him.

“Hey, Xichen. What do you need me to do?” I will do anything to keep you smiling like that.

Xichen light eyes seemed to glisten as he began to tell him the things that they needed to get done.

iv.

Qin Su watched her husband carefully. Jin Guangyao looked utterly captivated with whatever Lan Xichen was telling him. They had tried to include her into their conversation but soon enough they had forgotten her presence and had started speaking to each other in incomprehensible contexts.

It was sad how Qin Su had become used to this scene. The pit of her stomach clenched and a sense of nausea overwhelmed her. She whirled around, hurrying to get out of the room, away from her husband and Lan Xichen.

Soon she found herself in the sprawling gardens outside. The empty garden with its pretty flowers and deliberately decorated bushes did not give her much solace. It reminded Qin Su of herself. She laughed derisively at her thoughts. For all intent and purpose, Qin Su should be counted as one of the happiest women. Yet just like the pretty and planned showcase of a garden, her marriage was a sham.

Jin Guangyao was a good husband, she told herself as usual. He loved her. He took care of her every need, both said and unsaid. He was clever and intelligent. He was rich and had a half brother who depended and trusted him. All in all, Jin Guangyao was perfect.

If only there was not that friendship with Lan Xichen. At first, Qin Su had refused to believe it. No matter how much the evidence pointed at the truth, she had trusted her husband. They do not even meet each other to have an affair. She had scoffed at other people whispering about the alleged affair. But then she saw her husband writing letters!

Who even writes letters at this age?

Then she found out that he wrote them to Lan Xichen. Still she held onto her belief. But everything broke apart when she saw them together. They conversed in a way which rubbed her wrong. After that she slowly started to accept that no matter how much her husband told her he loved her and took care of her, it would always pale in comparison to what he feels for Lan Xichen.

It had broken her heart.

But she accepted it. She turned a blind eye to her husband coming in late some nights, drunk and mumbling something about Lan Xichen. She had ignored the surreptitious exchanges of letters.

She would have let it all go on forever if not for the baby. Her hand gently rested on her still flat abdomen. Their baby. She needed to know now. For her baby.

She heard a rustle behind her and suddenly she felt something drop on her lap.

“Got your package, Ma’am.” a voice drawled out. She looked up at Xue Yang coming to stand beside her. She took out the envelope from her purse and handed it over to him. Before Xue Yang could grab it, she pulled it away.

“Did you get everything?” She demanded to know.

Xue Yang smirked, “Of course. What do you take me for?”

He swiftly snatched the envelope from her and walked away.

Well that was that. Qin Su rubbed her forehead. It was a risky move asking Xue Yang of all people to steal her husband’s love letters from his study. Her fingers clutching the package turned white and she thought of how desperate she had been to know. There was no choice. Even now she did not understand why Xue Yang agreed to steal from his friend. Of course she gave him good money but…

She let the thought go and after checking to make sure she was alone, she took out the letters. Hungrily, she read through all of them.

She was surprised to see her husband’s letters as well. She did not pause to think about why they were in A-yao’s study. She had resigned to read through Lan Xichen’s letters, not her husbands as well. No matter, she would not refuse the gift horse in its mouth.

Slowly, Qin Su read through the letters and her eyes kept widening. Finally she gasped.

How could she have been so wrong?

Lan Xichen was not having an affair with A-yao. In fact Lan Xichen was in a miserable marriage with Wen Xu and had been in love with Nie Mingjue since he was a teenager! And A-yao had just consoled his friend, his brother.

Baffled, she slumped on the bench. She did not know how long she sat there, digesting everything she had read and dissecting her own emotions. Fierce joy and guilt weighed down on her. A-yao loved her and she had investigated him. She groaned.

She felt someone sit beside her and froze, watching in horror as her husband bent down to pick one of the fallen letters. From the calligraphy, she knew it was Lan Xichen’s letter.

“I..” she trailed off.

“Did it help?” A-yao asked casually, glancing through the letter and then adding it to the pile in her lap. Her brows frowned in confusion. A-yao looked at her and a small smile graced his lips. “Did reading through the letters that Er-ge and I wrote to each other help quell your suspicion?”

She nodded dumbly and then a realisation sunk in. He knew. How did he-?

“You let Xue Yang steal from your study?” She whispered, shocked, angry and betrayed at the same time.

“Yes.” A-yao said simply.

“If you knew then….How do I know any of this is real?!” She shouted furiously, jumping up from the bench. The letters fell in a cascade on the grass below.

A-yao’s brows twitched. “You don’t.” He settled and sighed.

“Now I know why you had your own letters and Lan Xichen’s as well!” She said, vibrating in rage.

A-yao’s lips tightened at the accusation.

“Er-ge cannot keep my letters because it is too risky. What if Wen Xu saw them?” He asked reasonably.

“Of course you have an answer for this. Tell me, A-yao, why? Don’t I deserve to know? Why do you play with me? Why can't you just man-up and tell me that you are with Lan Xichen behind my back? Didn’t you promise me that at least we will be honest with each other? So why-” She broke off, her voice choking and looking away from her husband.

“A-su,” A-yao whispered, reaching out to her but stopping just before he could touch her. “You are mistaken, A-su. I love Er-ge but I have never been in love with him. We write letters because it was a fun thing we used to do in college and we wanted to keep a semblance of the past with our present. I would never betray you, my love. I know you will not believe me but I am telling the truth.”

Qin Su sniffed, she could identify the raw honesty in his voice. Still it was so difficult to trust him.

“So you manipulate me into reading the letters?” She accused him.

“You know that I never made you ask Xue Yang to steal them, and before you ask me, no Xue Yang doesn’t know about it. He also did not tell me. You will be surprised to know that my friend honours his deals.” He smiles wryly, “A-su, if you had just asked me, I would have shown you the letters any time.”

Qin Su refused to believe it would have been that easy.

She sat down on the bench, far away from A-yao. Her husband was too clever, she knew it. What was she going to do now? Believe him or not believe him?

“A-su, tell me what do I have to do to make you trust me? You can ask anything. A-su?” He asked gently. Looking into his eyes, Qin Su could see the hurt and sadness mingled with love. Was it love?

“I don’t know.” She replied, a despair rose inside her. Are they going to be stuck in this limbo? What about their baby? Her hands went to rest on her stomach, gently brushing against the fabric of her dress. Jin Guangyao followed her gesture, confused. He knew his wife pretty well so this gesture was new. A worried, sad or pensive Qin Su was prone to closing her eyes and touching them with her fingertips as if willing them to remain shut. What does this mean? A panic coursed through him at the thought that A-su might never believe him, that she might leave him.

Before the panic could overwhelm him, Qin Su started speaking.

“I wish I could say that I am convinced. I am not, A-yao. The evidence and your part in allowing Xue Yang to steal your letters, I feel as if you are manipulating me into trusting you. But why would you let me know that you knew. I don’t understand!” She looked frustrated.

Jin Guangyao bit his lip.

“I want everything to go back to when I was blissfully unaware of this! I want to be able to love you and our baby so that we-” Her eyes widened at the slip.

“Baby?” Jin Guangyao said hoarsely.

Qin Su nodded, her eyes wide and filled with tears.

“A baby!” Jin Guang Yao said, awed. He is going to be a father! A daughter or a son!

He could not help himself, he folded Qin Su into his arms. He was so happy, so grateful to this woman, who is going to give him a family of his own. That is all he had ever wanted. A woman he loved and children to love. His life will be complete.

The giddiness eroded as he registered the stiffness in A-su’s frame.

“I am sorry!” he said, horrified at his lack of restraint. But before he could pull away from her, she tightened her grip on his lapels.

“I want to try, for the baby. For us.” She said determinedly, her face tucked into the crook of his neck. He relaxed and started running his fingers through her hair, promising that they will be perfect once again.

v. 

Nie Huaisang stared at Wen Chao, supremely unimpressed. The monkey had been trying to flirt with Huaisang for the past twenty minutes and failing spectacularly. His voice, high and weedy, grated on Huaisang's ears. The only thing that Wen Chao had been able to arouse in him is a headache. And the only person missing in this scene would be Da-ge. Huaisang smirked at the thought. Now that would be fun to watch – a total bloodbath. 

Unfortunately Mingjue was nowhere to be seen. 

He is probably following Xichen-ge around. Huaisang pouted at the thought. 

He flipped open his fan to hide behind it as Wen Chao’s annoying voice notched up to a higher octave while talking about his various qualities. Huaisang marvelled at the sheer unattractiveness of this despicable human being. He eyed Wen Chao and contemplated on family resemblances. His father was frankly terrifying and so was his older brother. But Wen Xu was attractive, Huaisang would admit privately. In a completely physical way. Huaisang might be a bit of a slut but he had standards, damn it.  

From the corner of his eyes, Huaisang caught the figure of his saviour. He smirked, flipping his fan close with a graceful flick of his wrist. 

“Jiang-xiong!” He called out airily, cutting right into Wen Chao’s narcissistic train. 

Jiang Cheng’s head snapped towards him and as he took in the scene, Huaisang saw his eyes narrow and bristle with undisguised anger. Oh, looks like Huaisang has forgotten the bad blood between these two. Honestly it's hard to keep track of all the people who would either kill Wen Chao in a dark alley or turn away while someone else is doing the job for them.

 

Jiang Cheng strode over to him. His eyes flashing in fury.  

"Young master Wen." Jiang Cheng gritted out. 

Wen Chao sniffed at Jiang Cheng, turning his nose up in the air, refusing to acknowledge his presence. 

Huaisang watched the disaster that is occurring with a tendril of excitement. Both of the young master’s traded barbed words, phew if they had some weapons, there would be so much blood by now. The thing was, Huaisang was not a bloodthirsty person. No matter how much Da-ge insisted his desire to create chaos stems from bloodthirst. Okay, Huaisang will admit that he does like it when he can make other people do his bidding without them even knowing it. But any argument with Jiang Cheng is well, instigated purely for his own pleasure. It is not Huaisang’s fault though! Really! 

It is entirely Jiang-xiong’s fault, Huaisang thought, his eyes fixed on his furious friend. He just looks so beautiful when he is angry. So fierce and passionate, his dark flashing eyes and cheeks red in exertion. Jiang-xiong is such a vision, Huaisang shuddered. This was also one of the reasons why he enjoys Wei-xiong’s pranks on infuriating his little brother. 

Okay, now it's time to stop, Huaisang jerked awake from his fantasy the moment he caught a glimpse of Jiang Cheng’s face. Of course, he was magnificent, however if Jiang-xiong was equipped with the power of thunder and lightning then Wen Chao would have been burnt to a crisp by now. 

“Jiang-xiong! We have to go check on Wei-xiong. Let's go!” Huaisang said loudly, grabbing one of his arms and tugging. They walked off without looking back at Wen Chao, who was left sputtering angrily at their wake.

Huaisang let go of Jiang Cheng when they reached a secluded corner and far away from that idiot. Huaisang did not try to make any conversation. He knew that Jiang Cheng needed space coming so close to thundering his anger. 

“Thanks.” Jiang Cheng muttered, a few minutes later. Huaisang smiled and waved his hand to indicate it was no problem. 

“Let’s go and see what my idiot brother is doing.” Jiang Cheng said, rolling his eyes at Wei Wuxian and his sheer stupidity. Huaisang chuckled and they headed off. 

They were derailed midway by an apologetic Lan Xichen who needed an extra pair of hands and legs to run some important errands while he managed the reception area. Between Jiang Cheng and Huaisang, it took them longer than they had anticipated. Who knew that one wrong number could cause such an inconvenient misunderstanding with the caterer. Impressed with Huaisang's easy manner in managing the situation, Jiang Cheng complimented him, brusquely. Refusing to admit the blush on his cheeks, Huaisang reminded him of their previous plan. 

They found Wei Wuxian in his room, sitting on the sofa with a vacant expression on his face. 

“What’s up with you?” Jiang Cheng asked rudely. Wei Wuxian did not respond, his expression remained the same. Clearly he had not heard them come inside the room. “Oi! Oi! Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng poked Wei Wuxian roughly on the shoulder. 

Wei Wuxian jerked away as if he was burned. “Wha..?” He blinked in confusion.

 “Jiang Cheng?” 

“What’s wrong, Wei-xiong? Is everything alright?” Huaisang frowned, worriedly, cutting off Jiang Cheng's angry accusations. 

“I…spoke with Wen Xu.” Wei Wuxian trailed off, staring into space. Jiang Cheng tensed, what did that asshole say to his brother?! “He gave me some advice…?” Wei Wuxian finished, bewildered. He looked at the two shocked faces, knowing that he probably had the same look. 

This is turning out to be such an interesting day, Huaisang thought excitedly, as he demanded the entire story from Wei Wuxian. 

vi.

Shit, shit, shit! Wei Wuxian chanted, why did he think that it was a good idea for a complete disaster like him to get ready hours before the ceremony! Now he desperately needed to pee. What if water or soap or something fell on his crisp white shirt! Oh, or god forbid, something were to happen to the flower that Lan Zhan had tucked on him! What would Lan Zhan say? What if he made Lan Zhan sad!

A tiny functioning part of Wei Wuxian managed to calm his overheated brain allowing him to successfully complete his business without damaging his outfit or the precious flower given to him by Lan Zhan. It happened then and for the record it was not Wei Wuxian’s fault!

Wei Wuxian was happily walking back to his priso-room when he heard one annoying voice whining at the end of the hallway. He paused, cocking his head. Huh, let's find out, Wei Wuxian quietly inched his way to the wall and slowly peaked at the two men clearly in the midst of an argument. He immediately recognised them- Wen Chao and Wen Xu. His to-be cousins in law, Wei Wuxian grimaced. Wen Xu was okay, Wei Wuxian thought, if only he would not make Xichen-ge so miserable then Wei Wuxian would have been fine with him. But Wen Chao was a different story altogether.

“....you have to pay the bills for me!” Wen Chao was whining self-righteously, his ugly face puckered petulantly. Wen Xu, who is usually a calm, stoic man, narrowed his eyes slightly and they flashed dangerously.

“What did you say? I have to? Pay your debt?” Wen Xu asked coldly. Wei Wuxian shivered at the sheer animosity. Wen Chao paled and dew back fractionally.

“Ah, you…you are my brother! So of course you have to!” Wen Chao stammered out, trying and failing to show a strong face.

Wen Xu’s lips curled a little in distaste, “Oh?”

“Father says so!” Wen Chao threatened weakly. Wen Xu barely blinked.

“Wen Chao, I tire of this conversation. Go and bother someone else.” Wen Xu said decisively, turning to walk off.

Wei Wuxian breathed a sigh of relief. No bloodbath today! Thank you, god! He was relieved. Jiang Cheng often tells him that it was highly probable that Wei Wuxian called on his own misfortune, no matter how much he pleaded innocence. So just like this time, Wen Chao opened his big mouth.

“So you only clear off debts of your whore husband!” Wei Wuxian’s insides curled with the wave of a staggering force of his anger. His body was preparing to launch himself and wipe that triumphant smirk off the ugly face of Wen Chao but he never got the chance. Wen Xu was upon him in a flash.

Wei Wuxian blinked. Wen Xu had Wen Chao by his throat making Wen Chao kick his legs helplessly in the air. He frantically scratched at his older brother’s hand around his throat to no avail. Wen Xu just pulled his face closer and Wei Wuxian blinked again at the sight of the sheer murderous fury on Wen Xu’s face.

“Your filthy mouth is not befitted to speak about my husband. I will tear your tongue out.” Wen Xu squeezed his throat, making Wen Chao’s eyes roll back in his head. There was a dark sort of satisfaction in Wen Xu’s eyes. Suddenly he let go of Wen Chao’s throat and he crumpled on the ground. He coughed and gasped, crying pitifully on the floor.

“Wen Chao,” Wen Xu called coldly. Wen Chao somehow managed to pull his head up to look at him. “I do not ever want to see you around my husband. Not even to breathe the same air as him.” Wen Xu did not add the threat of consequence, Wen Chao was well aware of his brother’s ruthlessness so he nodded frantically. He slowly stood up, rubbing his throat. Because he was clearly an idiot, he opened his mouth again. If Wei Wuxian was not so utterly frozen in place, he might have face-palmed himself.

“Why do you care?” Wen Chao croaked and started coughing again. Wen Xu’s head cocked at one side, his amber gaze studying his stupid brother.

“It is something a complete idiot like you will never understand. Just like you did not understand what I meant a few seconds ago.” Wen Xu said, darkly amused.

Wen Chao gulped roughly, bowing to his brother, quickly scampering off in Wei Wuxian’s direction, narrowly avoiding colliding into him.

When Wei Wuxian looked back at Wen Xu, he found the older man staring back at him expressionlessly. Wei Wuxian froze and stayed still, waiting for Wen Xu to make his move. Wen Xu seemed to have come to a decision. He indicated Wei Wuxian to come up to him. Wei Wuxian gulped but walked to him. Wen Xu took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to him. Wei Wuxian shook his head. Wen Xu took one out and lit it up.

Blowing out smoke from his mouth, Wen Xu stared outside the large window overlooking the laid out tables, fashioned for the wedding feast. Wei Wuxian followed his intense gaze and found Lan Xichen speaking to Jin Guangyao. Xichen was smiling gently at whatever Jin Guangyao was saying.

“Wei Wuxian.” Wen Xu said, startling Wei Wuxian out of his musings. He glanced at Wen Xu, the latter’s attention firmly fixed on his husband. “A loveless marriage will ruin your life in unimaginable ways. I hope you are prepared for it.” He said emotionlessly. Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened in shock.

What?!

He gaped foolishly at Wen Xu and watched with a morbid fascination as the latter’s eyes shifted into something akin to longing when Lan Xichen laughed at something Jin Guangyao was telling him. How is this his world now? Wei Wuxian thought hysterically. Wen Xu is supposed to be an emotionless asshole, who did not give an iota of crap about Xichen-ge! So why was he acting like this! Wei Wuxian's overactive brain slowly overheated at the pressure.

Unbothered about his break of character, Wen Xu turned his intense gaze on Wei Wuxian.

“I honestly do not care what you do with your life but your bullheadedness has made Lan Xichen lose much sleep in worry. I do not like to see my husband worrying over needless things.” He said casually, Wei Wuxian choked back blood of rage at the bald faced lie (is this how Lan Qiren feels every time around me?!). If you care so much about Xichen-ge then why don’t you try to make him happy, you asshole?! Wei Wuxian shouted in his head, wanting to kick the older man in the face.

Wen Xu nodded, his task done. He walked off in the other direction. Wei Wuxian sagged against the window.

When is this day gonna end? He thought pitifully.

part II: action;
where things happen 

vii.

Everything was ready.

Lan Xichen tripled checked quickly through the list carved inside his head and threw an imaginary if not a lackluster hurrah in his head. Now all that needs to be done is for the guests to filter in, take their seats and the bride and the groom to get married. His eyes caught his brother's stony face and he flinched at the reminder. God, how long can a day possibly be?

The self torturing part of him thought of his own horrendously ostentatious wedding and the utter misery that followed him like a shadow. No, anything is better than that.

He furiously wiped those thoughts away.

What he needed right now was a distraction. Maybe he can be a silent comfort to his little brother but when he raised his head to look for him, he couldn't find him. Lan Xichen frowned, he was here just a second ago.

"Xichen-ge?" Huaisang waved at him cheerily.

Lan Xichen smiled at the young man.

"Huaisang, have you seen my brother?" Xichen asked warmly. Huaisang came to a stop beside him, his fan fluttering in his hand. He made a motion of thinking really hard and instantly his face lightened up and he nodded in answer.

"He went to get something for Wei-xiong. He spilled his drink on his trousers so Wangji-xiong is helping him." Huaisang added helpfully.

Xichen grimaced at the botheration. Of course, Wangji will try to help Wei Wuxian, all the while hiding his own pain. It was already bad enough that his brother had agreed to Wei Wuxian’s outrageous request of being his best man and now helping him in every little thing is just beyond the pale. Xichen should stop him from overdoing it. As if reading his mind, Huaisang promptly said that he knew exactly where Lan Wangji had gone and would Xichen-ge just follow him.

Xichen, preoccupied with worrying over his brother, followed him to the east wing and to the long narrow corridor where no one was around. They came to a halt in front of a door, Huaisang indicated for Lan Xichen to step forward and with an astonishing speed he opened the door, forcefully pushed him inside and slammed it shut.

It happened so quickly that all Xichen could do was to let it happen and stand there like a fool with a gaping mouth. He was not even aware that someone had caught him before he could fall head first on the dusty carpeted floor.

"Nie Huaisang, you get your ass right back here!" The arms around Xichen shook at the intensity of the shout. Xichen blinked and slowly craned his head to stare at the furious face of Nie Mingjue who was busy threatening his little brother.

"Mingjue," Xichen patted at his chest, easily twisting inside the cage of his arms. "Mingjue, it's alright."

"No it's not, Xichen! Huaisang is old enough to know these things. He will have to face proper consequences for his little pranks." Mingjue ranted furiously.

"Da-ge," Xichen repeated calmly, not afraid of Mingjue's outburst, "It's just that – a harmless prank. Huaisang will come back in a few minutes and then we'll talk about how this prank was not at all funny. Right now, calm down."

Mingjue allowed Xichen's voice to soothe his frantic nerves and took a calming breath.

1

2

3

…

Mingjue opened his eyes and his gaze landed on Xichen's upturned face. His light eyes glittering like those stupendously colourful galaxies far, far away. Mingjue immediately lost his breath.

No, bad thoughts. Stop!

Mingjue jerked away, belatedly realising that he had been clutching Lan Xichen so tightly against his chest that he could feel the imprint of his body, leaving a burning impression on his own.

Awkwardly they looked away from each other. The room they were now locked in suddenly seemed to demand an increased scrutiny by both of them. All the furniture in the large room was draped with long white bed sheets and the layer of dust on it revealed its disuse. Through the long stained windows, the clear sunny day appeared muddled like an old washed up sepia picture. The air was damp, dusty and slow as if someone had been holding their breath for a long time and only now contemplating on slowly letting it out.

Mingjue's wayward gaze returned to Xichen, succumbing to the uncontrollable urge of basking in his beloved's presence. Thankfully, Xichen was focused on watching the tiny dust particles floating under the diffused light from the windows.

For a few minutes Mingjue allowed himself the weakness of just looking. There was always such peace in Xichen’s presence; Mingjue’s inner beast fueled by anger, anxiety and worry sleeps in Xichen’s vicinity. Mingjue could have easily spent the entire time of their enforced captivity in Xichen’s company without uttering a single word when he remembered with a sudden sharp clarity, what he had promised himself the moment he had woken up with a throbbing head this morning.

"Xichen," Mingjue’s voice startled Xichen out of his stupor. Mingjue patiently waited for his eyes to set upon him. "I am sorry for what I said yesterday. I had no right in assuming anything about your marriage. Also it was not my place to intrude in your personal life."

Mingjue should not have said that last part but in his defence it had hurt deep down into the core of his being when Lan Xichen had thrown that line in his face yesterday. He watched the regret flash on Xichen’s face.

"I am sorry Mingjue. It's not what I meant to say. I was just… so angry." Lan Xichen paused at the memory of hurt and indignation that had fueled such a baldfaced lie. "Of course you have all the rights to advise me, warn me and criticise me. You..you..are my best friend, Mingjue." Lan Xichen's words tripped over one another, clumsily trying to convey his sincerity.

Best friend. Mingjue almost sneered at the word. He hated it so much. But he had swallowed this bitter pill a long time ago. No use crying over spilled milk. He breathed out heavily through his nose, he needed to calm down lest all these pent up emotions come bursting out of him, overwhelming both of them with its fervour.

Nie Huaisang had warned him that there will come a day when Mingjue will be unable to hold all this bullshit dancing around Xichen at bay. He will eventually burst and so will Lan Xichen. His brother really knew him, in particular, and people, in general, a little too well.

Then again he never really had a great track record of controlling his frankly infamous temper.

"If I have the right, Xichen, then why aren't you listening to me?" His voice rumbled out of his chest, the words coming from somewhere buried deep inside him. This time he will not be able to blame alcohol.

Xichen looked surprised, his mouth opened to reply but nothing came out.

"Xichen, I care about your well being and that's why I am begging you to stop. Stop before there is nothing left of you for even yourself to recognize." Mingjue pleaded ignoring the loud voice inside his head, shouting for him to please just stop what are you doing!

Xichen's face turned white as a sheet and he looked so haunted that Mingjue was amazed at the power his words could have on Xichen even though hurting him caused a crippling pain within Mingjue, he still soldiered on.

"I have held back from saying anything so many times. No more. Because I think you deserve better. You know all the reasons that you had to sacrifice yourself. They are not there anymore. So you can stop now, Xichen. Please." Pandora's box had been opened and all the demons, unvoiced and suppressed, were now clamouring for attention, hungry for blood.

"Xichen, I know a really good lawyer. You don't have to make the decision right now. Just talk to the guy, ask him questions about your situation and when you decide to file the divorce, I will be there right along with you. Heck Wangji will be there too, so will your Uncle. Everyone just wants you happy so you don't have to be afraid in divorcing Wen Xu-"

"STOP!" Xichen yelled, and Mingjue came to a stuttering halt. In all the years of knowing Xichen, he had never heard him shout. He watched with widened eyes as Xichen flushed in fury glared back at him. He covered the distance between them and was in Mingjue's face in an instant.

"How dare you presume so much about my marriage and what I want? You don’t see me throwing your lifestyle in your face!"

Mingjue blinked, clearly taken aback at the comment. What about his lifestyle is so disgraceful in Lan Xichen’s eyes?

"Maybe you should then." Mingjue challenged, curious about the answer and refusing to back down from the argument.

Xichen, even with all his anger, hesitated momentarily and Mingjue felt a wave of affection for him. In the end Xichen made the decision to take up the challenge.

"Your nightly excursions. I know about them. I saw you with them, Mingjue." He paused, letting it all sink in. After a moment of confusion Mingjue was able to pick up on what he meant. Mingjue had never really refrained from looking for companionship when the shouts of failure became too loud in his head.

Mingjue swallowed and felt that latent guilt rise up to his throat. No, no he had nothing to be guilty of.

Emboldened by the thought, Mingjue fired back, "So what? I sleep with men and women. What's so wrong about that? My nightly excursions have nothing to do with what I have been saying."

Xichen was taken aback by his easy admittance.

"So I am promiscuous." Mingjue shrugged, unrepentant.

"I am not divorcing my husband, Mingjue." Xichen fired back, backtracking to deflect the unpleasant sensations aroused at the thought of Mingjue with faceless strangers.

"He makes you miserable, Xichen." His words were harsh but there was something gentle about the heartbreaking reminder.

Xichen turned his face away, forcing down the sudden sob stuck in his throat. Mingjue had always been so uncomfortably blunt about truth that Xichen had never learned to take face on.

"I can't." He whispered brokenly, eyes fixed on his shoes. Mingjue, unable to help himself anymore, raised his hands to tilt the pale moon face towards him.

He waited patiently until Xichen's watery gaze landed on him. He leaned his forehead against his, and with all the tenderness he could muster, he gently brushed his lips against his temple. He felt Xichen shudder at the contact.

"You can. I believe in you, Xichen. There is nothing in the world that you can't do." He whispered against his temple. Xichen's breath hitched at the words and this time he was unable to hold back the sob from escaping his lips.

"Mingjue…please." He sobbed soundlessly, and within seconds he was warmly encased in Mingjue's arms.

Lan Xichen was in no way a small man but Mingjue's sheer musculature encapsulated him so completely that he felt like he could ignore the world.

Xichen withdrew from Mingjue fractionally to take hiccuping breaths. Mingjue tucked his messed up hair behind his ears and was struck anew by his beauty-even with tears tracking down his cheeks.

Their eyes locked with each other and if you were to ask them what happened next, they probably won't be able to tell you. All they will say is that for the first time in their life, lips against each other, they were able to breathe fully.

Inside the tight circle of Mingjue's arms, Xichen allowed himself to feel more than numbness. It would be a cliché to admit that here right at this moment he felt alive, like he hadn't in a long time. His mouth moved over Mingjue and the part of him which could still think was surprised that he had such passion somewhere inside him.

Lan Xichen had always loved Nie Mingjue.

That was not a new thing for him to admit but it boggled his mind that the physical manifestation could be so boundless. Mingjue's impatient hands finally freed his shirt from his pants and slipped one large warm palm against the skin of his waist.

Lan Xichen gasped.

His mouth jerked away from Mingjue and his head fell backwards, Mingjue wasted no time in attacking his neck, laying down hot open mouth kisses.

A distant part of Xichen marvelled at the way his body tingled. It felt as though before Mingjue had laid his hands on him, Xichen had been this large mass of a body. His skin wrapped around all the organs into tightly coiled, if not an expansive, system. He had walked around the earth with all of his insides wrapped up – aching with all of its immensity. Oh, how he had ached. He had wanted, no he had yearned to be able to fit under his skin. The expanse to somehow reduce to a semblance suitable for his form.

He had wanted so much for someone to touch him. With love. With affection. With warmth.

The bittersweet happiness tugged out sobs and clouded his vision in tears. As they fell down the corner of his eyes, he felt Mingjue freeze. Only for a second, though. And then Lan Xichen was wrapped even more tightly and warmly into his arms. Mingjue gently cupped his head and tucked it against his shoulders. He murmured soothing nonsense, kissing his forehead, his hair, running his broad palm against his trembling spine.

And Xichen remained there. Clutching desperately at Mingjue's shirt, shaking and crying. He despaired at how he would never be able to go back to a normal life. It is simply not possible now. All the avenues for the previous bland existence had been slammed shut in his face.

Vehemently denying the cold hard truth etched inside his mind, he turned his head to seek Mingjue's lips. This time they will remember that he was the one to initiate the kiss. It was Xichen’s hands nearly tearing off his shirt in sheer impatience to get to the stretch of skin which had haunted him for years. His nails dug in the firm chest under the crisp shirt while their mouths moved feverishly against each other.

That is how Wen Xu found them.

In Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue's circle of heaven, they had no thought of anyone or anything besides their burning need to realise their years and years of pent up emotions. Distantly, Mingjue heard the sound of the door opening but it failed to register in his mind as anything to be concerned about. It was only when there was a sound of a loud clatter that Xichen and Mingjue froze.

Simultaneously, their heads whipped around to the source of the noise, silently praying for Nie Huaisang who had finally returned but when had god ever listened to them.

Wen Xu stood stock-still. His usual cold and indifferent demeanour seemed to be exponentially more prominent. It was clear that he was exercising a lot of strength to not to show even a tiny hint of his emotions.

The silence was heavy and uncomfortable. Not one of them seemed inclined to break the stillness. There was nothing to say, really.

"You are expected. Wedding is starting." Wen Xu uttered expressionlessly, his dark eyes skittering over Lan Xichen's face before he whirled around and left.

Lan Xichen shakily started buttoning up his shirt, his head strangely empty. Did this really happen? He heard Mingjue quickly right his clothing behind him but he was unable to look at him.

"Xichen… I-" Mingjue began hoarsely before Xichen interrupted him. One trembling hand came up to stop him.

"Please don't, Mingjue."

Those words shattered the little seed of hope inside Nie Mingjue. As Xichen returned to his impeccable appearance and they started heading out, Mingjue was consumed with a surge of thoughts and feelings churning into a veritable storm.

What did I do?

What will happen to us?

Will Xichen turn away from me?

Does he not know how much he means to me?

Mingjue was moving before his rational self could stop him and he tugged Xichen to a stop, right outside the hallway.

"I love you. I have loved you before I knew what love was. I loved you when we first met as toddlers and you smiled at me. I loved you when you lied, for me, to your uncle about breaking that expensive flower vase. I loved you even when you broke my heart and married Wen Xu to protect your family. I have loved you for years, Xichen. The when, the whys and the because- I have and will love you with and in spite of them. I don't think I can ever stop. So please, Xichen, please…" Mingjue trailed off, his hands clutching at Xichen's shoulders, his eyes desperately trying to convey the unspoken plea: Please don't turn away from me. I don't know what to do without you. Please.

Xichen was in shock and unable to hold back tears.

"Mingjue…" He whispered, awed by the realisation that his love was returned. Perhaps even, hundred fold. His eyes slipped close and he felt the first flutter of joy. Can he..? Will he…?

He opened his eyes and looked at the beloved face, "Mingjue, we have to go."

Mingjue's face fell but before he could drown in despair, Xichen leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss on his lips.

"If for even one second during all these years, you have ever doubted what I have felt for you then you have not been watching me, Mingjue. I have made such a muddle of everything. But you and my love for you had been the surest thing in my life. I love you so much, Mingjue, that I think that's all I am." He murmured against his lips, pressing one last kiss, Xichen stepped back.

Now it was Mingjue's turn be struck dumb. Xichen smiled, a small smile of amusement and affection as he tugged him forward. They began walking.

Just as they stepped on the stone path which will lead them to the wedding venue, Xichen paused and Mingjue walked smack into him.

Xichen's hands easily grabbed him before he could fall backwards. Mingjue blinked down at him, his head still echoing Xichen's confession.

"I will talk to Wen Xu." He said, not allowing any of his inner trepidation to show on his face. Mingjue's face lit up with a barely constrained joy before a cloud of hesitation settled over him. Xichen arched his eyebrow questioningly.

"I hope you are not doing it because of me." Xichen, hearing the carefully veiled question, smiled fondly. He slowly stretched up to kiss Mingjue, startling him.

"I am going to talk to Wen Xu because it's time. It's for me, for him and for you. It's for all of us. Now, let's get this wedding over with."

Even with all the hope for happiness and tendrils of excitement, Xichen had not forgotten his little brother's plight and the critical issue of speaking to his husband. But with Mingjue's hand brushing against his, he knew that Mingjue was right- there is nothing that he can't do.

viii.

Wei Wuxian sat alone in his large empty room, picking at a stray flower that was used for decoration. Everyone has rushed off to check on wedding stuff, leaving him so utterly bored. Lan Zhan had muttered something about Xichen-ge calling him for help and Jiang Cheng had stormed off, fed up with his antics. Nie Huaisang had ran off with a manic gleam in his eyes which even Wei Wuxuan, with his stupid bravery, had shied away from asking.

Wei Wuxian sighed dramatically. He is getting married, why is no one entertaining him? He thought childishly, pouting at the torn flower petals.

A knock resounded the room and Wei Wuxian cheered up. His smile turned brighter when his sister walked in with that peacock trailing behind her. The baby Jing Ling cooed from his perch in his father’s arms.

“Jiejie!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, rushing forward to wrap her in a hug. Yanli laughed at his enthusiasm and patted him on the back.

“Now, let me see how handsome my little brother is looking on his wedding day.” Yanli teased, brushing her hands against Wei Wuxian’s suit jacket while he puffed up his chest to proudly showcase his outfit. He cheerily chattered away about his clothes and the pretty flower that Lan Zhan has gifted him while Yanli nodded fondly.

“And they call me peacock.” Jin Zixuian muttered loud enough for the intended target to hear. Wei Wuxian’s head snapped around, flaring up in a dramatic indignation when Yanli interrupted expertly diverting attention elsewhere.

“I don’t see Lan Wangji anywhere. Is he not here with you?” Yanli asked and looked around for the silent pillar called Lan Wangji, lurking around staring at her oblivious little brother.

“Ah, no. Lan Zhan was called away by Xichen-ge. He should be returning at any moment though. After all, he is my best man.” His fake enthusiasm was immediately caught by his sharp eyed sister who threw a look at her husband. They had a silent conversation while Wei Wuxian became distracted in annoying his adorable and irritable little nephew.

“Fine.” mumbled Jin Zixiuan, clearly losing the argument, “Say bye to your uncle, A-ling.” The little boy did no such thing. Instead, with his small face scrunched up in displeasure, he tucked himself against his father’s shoulder and refused to look at his uncle. The latter pouted mischievously, waving goodbye. They walked away, closing the door softly behind them.

“Is everything alright, A-xian?” Yanli asked concernedly, patting the sofa beside her for Wei Wuxian to sit.

“Of course, everything is alright, Jiejie.” Wei Wuxian tried to reassure her and missed by a mile.

“A-xian.” She looked doubtful at him, silently beseeching him to tell her so she can help. “Is it about the wedding?” she asked hopefully.

Wei Wuxian shook his head, after a moment began to speak hesitantly. “It's Lan Zhan. Jiejie, he is taking this job a continent away. He will leave as soon as the wedding is over.”

“Is there something wrong with the job?” she asked worriedly.

“No, no. It is a wonderful opportunity. Lan Zhan should definitely take it. It’s just he will be so far away and I…I won’t be able to see him as much.” He finished lamely, avoiding his sister’s soft knowing eyes. “Everything is moving so fast, Jiejie.” He added clumsily.

Yanli smoothed Wei Wuxian’s hair and smiled gently. “Yes, A-xain. Change is always constant and this is what happens when you are moving forward in your life. Just like Lan Wangji will take that amazing job. You are getting married; you are going to start a new life with Wen Qing and A-yuan. Your path had already diverged, my dear A-xian. It just took you this long to realise it.”

There was a finality in his sister’s tone, which like earlier from the ocean of denial he refused to acknowledge. Yet the force of his refusal had lost its vehemence. He could hardly imagine a life where Lan Zhan is not in it. His heart throbbed at the very idea.

He shook his head and forced a smile on his face. “It doesn’t matter. You know, jiejie, I told Lan Zhan that it doesn’t matter wherever he goes, I will just get on a plane to go see him.”

Yanli smiled, exasperated at her little brother's obtuse self denial. “A-xian, I just have one thing to ask you. You don’t have to answer me. Just think about it.” She stood up, shouldering her purse and straightening her dress.

“Today is your wedding, A-xian. Throughout the day, what had been in your mind? What makes you have that awful feeling in your stomach? Or maybe I should ask who, not what. Is it Wen Qing, the person you are going to marry?” She took in Wei Wuxian’s stricken face and with a flash of guilt, she continued, “I wish I could say that I’m sorry for asking you all these questions but, A-xian, I can’t. All I ask is for you to stop lying to yourself.”

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his forehead, not at all deterred by the lost expression on his face. “Be honest to yourself, A-xian. Know that we will always be with you whatever path you decide to walk on, your family will walk right beside you.”

Yanli turned and walked away, the door shut softly behind her. The silence was so loud. The room vibrated with the unanswered questions and Wei Wuxian could not tune them out.

It looked like the gods were relishing their chance of exacting revenge for all the times Wei Wuxian had annoyed them. There was a knock on his door once again, and before he could shout that he was busy, the person came inside. It was Lan Qiren.

What on earth is this day!

Lan Qiren filtered inside the room, reluctantly. He glanced disapprovingly at Wei Wuxian sitting with his gaping mouth on the sofa.

“At least you have cleaned up properly.” Lan Qiren said with a sniff. Wei Wuxian was astounded at the man’s ability to be so insulting. How was Lan Qiren known for his sophisticated manners by everyone?

“Master Lan, um… I didn’t think you would come.” Wei Wuxian winced. Well, he had to say something.

“You are marrying into the same family as my eldest nephew. Why won’t I be here?” Lan Qiren pointed out the obvious, clearly questioning Wei Wuxian’s intelligence.

Wei Wuxian laughed nervously and prayed for someone to save him from this conversation. Anyone would do, heck, even Wen Chao would be a good distraction right now. But a dark part of Wei Wuxian doubted that Wen Chao would be able to say anything for a while after the disastrous confrontation with Wen Xu.

“I also wished to see your marriage with Wen Qing. For personal reasons, you understand.” Lan Qiren said, clearing his throat.

The surprises from the day are clearly endless, Wei Wuxian thought. Of course, Lan Qiren would be the only one who supported his decision to marry Wen Qing.

“Congratulations on marrying a fine young woman like Wen Qing. She clearly could have done better but you are alright.” Lan Qiren said brusquely, his hands behind his back while he examined a painting on the wall.

“Thank you..?” Wei Wuxian was so utterly bewildered.

“I am quite happy that you have released my nephew from your clutches-”Lan Qiren stated matter of factly over his shoulder.

His nephew..? What! “Wha..t?” He stuttered. Lan Qiren did not seem to have heard him and continued his monologue uninterrupted.

“...faith that Wangji will soon forget his infatuation with you and agree to marry an upstanding person of his stature.”

Lan Zhan, infatuated, me!?

“I had always worried that you may have harboured a similar…ardour for my nephew but with this marriage, for the first time in my life I am glad to be proven wrong. Distance and time will slowly wash away the love that Wangji has for you, I am sure of it.” He turned to look at Wei Wuxian, nodding approvingly at his own conclusion.

What? “Lan Zhan… loves… me…?” Wei Wuxian whispered breathlessly.

Lan Qiren frowned at him and said disapprovingly, “There is no need to lie, Wei Wuxian. I do not think there is even one person in this building who doesn’t know of my nephew's foolish love for you.”

What? Suddenly Wei Wuxian could see flashes of all the people who had raised objections against his marriage. It ended with Lan Zhan’s face in the morning, inside this very room when he said, “No”, to Wei Wuxian for the very first time.

“I shall not take more of your time. Congratulations and thank you.” Lan Qiren nodded and walked away.

Wei Wuxian remained seated. Inside his head there was only one thought: Lan Zhan loves me. I…

After an intermittent amount of time, the door opened once more and Luo Qingyang walked inside with her lips pressed into a tight line.

“Wei Wuxian, it’s time.” She stated, her eyes scanned critically over his clothes to check for anything amiss. Finding everything just how she wanted, she nodded. Wei Wuxian slowly got up as if in a haze.

“Where,” He swallowed his dry throat, “Where is Lan Zhan?”

Luo Qingyang looked at him strangely before replying, “At the altar. Everyone is in their position. Waiting for you”

For a crazy moment, Wei Wuxian had the image of Lan Zhan being the person he was going to marry, not Wen Qing and he could not mistake the utter joy that image drew in his heart.

As he slowly stepped towards the arch doorway, where everyone was waiting, a thought came bursting through the depth of his soul.

I love Lan Zhan!

ix.

Nie Huaisang hid behind the wave of guests, smiling and fluttering around nervously. He could not fall into Nie Mingjue’s clutches. Da-ge might just crush me into tiny pieces, he thought matter-of-factly. The usual tricks won’t work with his brother this time around, but if Lan Xichen is with him then he might get away with only being weighed down by a crushing guilt and disappointment.

He had caught a glimpse of Mingjue with Lan Xichen and had thankfully been able to hide himself within the wave of incoming guests before they could see him. He knows they will catch up to him sooner or later but he has to try. Just like that, he felt a large hand on his shoulder. It tightened when he tried to wiggle away and he slumped in defeat.

“Nie Huaisang.” Da-ge growled lowly, pulling him up to meet his little brother's shifty eyes. His feet dangling in the air, Nie Huaisang tried his best pitiful expression, knowing he would fail.

“Da-ge, I am so sorry!” He whined, his brother did not pay him any heed and dragged him to the nearest empty corner.

“Why, Huaisang? I just want to know why. Do not act. Tell me the truth, for god's sake!”

Huaisang sulked for a few minutes before admitting defeat, he did owe his brother and Xichen-ge an answer.

“You know why, Mingjue. This has been a long time coming and you know it!” He cried out indignantly.

“Getting locked inside a dusty old room with the man you love by your devious little brother, you mean?” Mingjue asked sarcastically.

“Yes.” Huaisang hissed, hating the tone his older brother takes when he is right and Huaisang is wrong. “You and Xichen-ge have been tip-toeing around each other for far too long. I can’t take it anymore. So I decided to do something about it.”

“Are you sure it is only because of annoyance you locked us in the room?” Nie Mingjue asked, his tone curiously detached.

Nie Huiasang’s insides froze for just a second. Now here is something about Nie Huaisang: he is a mastermind but all his ploys, no matter how crooked they may be, are always transparent to his older brother. It was not that Mingjue was particularly apt in Huaisang’s ways but it was Huaisang who had never been able to lie so easily in front of his brother. He faltered for a moment and that was all Mingjue needed to catch him.

“A-sang, what’s going on?” Mingjue asked, concernedly. Huaisang could hear the underlying question about the real reason for his extreme prank. What had shook him so badly that he had pulled this duplicity?

“I don’t know what you mean.” Huaisang denied automatically, his insides curled into a tiny coil.

Mingjue’s eyes hardened and he said unflinchingly, “So you wanted Wen Xu to catch us and force us to accept each other?”

Nie Huaisang’s breath caught in his throat but he refused to react to the provocation. Before he could repeat his mantra of life (I don’t know, I really don’t know), he saw disappointment flash in his brother's face and stopped cold. He looked away from Mingjue and swallowed back the wave of nausea at opening up to the real reason.

“At Wei-xiong’s bachelor party, Jiang-xiong got shitfaced drunk. We all did but Wei-xiong challenged Jiang-xiong to a drinking match and well… needless to say I and Lan Wangji decided to stay sober to get them home safely. Later, Lan Wangji took Wei-xiong home and I took Jiang-xiong to his apartment. I was late to the bachelor party, if you remember, and I wore the blue shirt that Xichen-ge left behind one time. Jiang -xiong was very drunk.” Huaisang paused, wanting Mingjue to understand what he meant but either the man was being deliberately obtuse or he had no clue where Huaisang was going with his story.

“Jiang-xiong thought I was Xichen-ge and he said some things.” Huaisang said delicately. Mingjue stared at his pained expression and a forbidding feeling creeped inside him.

“What did he do, Huaisang?” Mingjue barked, furious at Jiang Cheng taking advantage of his little brother.

“Nothing like what you are thinking happened. He just confessed to me, thinking I was Xichen-ge.” Huaisang said, bitterly. He refused to admit the brief drunken make out session because that totally did not count. He also won't mention how much he wanted something to actually happen.

“Jiang Cheng…likes Lan Xichen..?” Mingjue was stupefied. When did this happen?

Wait, this bothered his little brother. Mingjue narrowed down on the issue before his Xichen focused brain could hijack everything.

“You like Jiang Cheng.” Mingjue was awed at the way his brother flushed beet red.

“Now you know.” Huaisang said, ignoring his brother's gaze.

Before Mingjue could comfort Huaisang, they heard footsteps coming their way. They straightened up and saw Jiang Cheng arrive at the alcove. He looked at both of them suspiciously.

“Lan Xichen is looking for you.” Jiang Cheng said abruptly to Mingjue, who nodded and after a quiet warning of We will talk about this later to Huaisang, he hurried off.

“Uh, Jiang-xiong, aren’t we supposed to go get Wei-xiong?” Huaisang said, not allowing Jiang Cheng to comment on Mingjue’s odd behaviour.

“Luo Qingyang is going to get him. We just need to get into our positions.” Jiang Cheng replied, impatiently motioning Huaisang to start walking.

“I still can’t believe that Wei-xiong is getting married. To Wen Qing!” Huaisang nervously fluttered his fan.

“Idiot.” Jiang Cheng snorted, “I can’t believe Wei Wuxian still doesn’t know about Lan Wangji.”

They were both silent, exasperated at the two idiots who had no idea what the other person felt. No matter how much they have pointed out the obvious, both of them had remained steadfastly oblivious and determined to suffer for the greater good.

They were just going to step into the hall when Jiang Cheng paused suddenly.

“You like me…?” Jiang Cheng questioned, his voice trembling slightly.

“You heard! How much did you hear?” Huaisang questioned anxiously.

“All of it. I’m sorry for my behaviour that night.” Jiang Cheng said, his face red in embarrassment, refusing to look at Huaisang.

Huaisang’s hand flashed forward, grabbing hold of his tie, he tugged him into the broom closet beside them.

Huaisang had Jiang Cheng slammed against the closed door before he had the chance to get his bearings.

“Jiang-xiong, you know how I let you take advantage of my poor self that night. Won’t you compensate me?” Huaisang whispered coily, his lips inches away from Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng shivered and even though he remembered everything from that night and he could clearly recall Huaisang's enthusiasm, he allowed himself to follow Huaisang’s lead. He gulped, his throat suddenly as dry as a desert and was unable to form a coherent reply. Huaisang took pity on him and pressed their mouths together. He took out all the arsenal of experience he had gathered in all of his promiscuous deliances and laid it on Jiang Cheng. It left poor Jiang Cheng a gasping, whimpering mess.

Jiang Cheng had always believed that Lan Xichen, the perfect and kind hearted gentleman, was his ideal person. He had fallen hard for the man and he knew that one of the biggest reasons for his feelings was Lan Xichen’s legal and emotional unavailability. He was the safe choice. It would be a lie to say that he had only ever seen Nie Huaisang as his friend and nothing more. He had noticed his friend growing into the manhunting, coy and oh-so-clever man. But he had always assumed that it was just sexual desire and it will pass sooner or later.

He had been wrong.

The taste of defeat had never been sweater. Jiang Cheng’s hand trailed along the length of Huaisang’s back, drawing a shudder from the man, his mouth moving under his in unison. Jiang Cheng can spend hours doing this.

Abruptly the support behind him gave away and he fell backwards, instinctively he tucked Huaisang against him and tried to take the burnt of the fall. Fortunately, his back did not land on the unforgiving floor. Two strong hands gripped his shoulders firmly. He looked up and saw Lan Xichen's surprised and embarrassed eyes staring back at him.

Oh shit.

“Xichen, the wedding is going to start. Where are-” Nie Mingjue’s voice trailed off as he took in the absurd scene: Lan Xichen holding onto a pair of Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang from crashing into the ground.

Damn, that Lan arm strength, Mingjue thought, his mind a little hazy at the sheer strength of Lan Xichen.

They sprang into motion and within moments a tomato red Jiang Cheng and satisfied Nie Huaisang along with Lan Xichen, carefully avoiding looking at the pair, stood before Nie Mingjue at parade rest.

“Jiang Cheng, Huaisang, Wei Wuxian will be looking for you guys. Let’s not forget about the disaster wedding.” Mingjue reminded them, grimacing with all three of them at the thought of the wedding.

“When is this going to be over?” Jiang CHeng muttered in a low voice.

“I’ve been asking that since the morning.” Lan Xichen said wryly.

Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen left them with a stern lecture on not wasting their time and to come quick. Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng resumed their walk before…ahem, the interruption.

“Jiang-xiong, are you free tomorrow? I know this amazing place. You will love the food there.” Huaisang asked cherrily, a thread of nervousness in his tone that he was unable to hide let Jiang Cheng know the importance of his acceptance.

“I will pick you up at 7.” He replied roughly.

Huaisang grinned at him, making Jiang Cheng cheeks burn.

“Deal.”

x.

The large hall was filled up with people. The red and white hangings and decorations were carefully accentuated with the flowers chosen to be on display as a feast for everyone’s eyes. Wedding is a happy occasion and the organiser had taken great pain in making sure that every piece in the hall conveyed the feeling of warmth and happiness. There was a feeling of tentative happiness in the air; something which you might feel when you are at the precipice of something larger than yourself. A step which will lead you to a strange new world, away from your mundane life. One can only hope that this unknown world will lead to happiness.

Lan Xichen took his seat beside his husband, feeling the burning heat of Mingjue’s gaze on his neck. Xichen’s fingers twitched. His husband was rock steady beside him, Xichen could barely even hear him breathe. He did not dare look at him and they made no conversation. His gaze found his brother.

Lan Wangji stood at the empty space behind the groom, his eyes firmly fixed at the doors where Wei Wuxian would walk down the aisle. It will be a mockery of his deepest desire. He will watch Wei Ying walk down the aisle towards him but never for him. It will be Wen Qing, with whom Wei Ying will marry while Lan Wangji will forever remain at his side. Watching quietly and steadily loving him.

Behind Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang could barely stop themselves from touching or from looking. They both thought of the new expanding horizon of their relationship. Tomorrow could not come faster.

Qin Su sat with her husband and pondered about her marriage. So strange to have found a path to move forward at someone else's marriage. She shot a quick glance at A-yao and was struck once again with the memory of his awed expression when he came to know about their child. That could not be faked, Qin Su thought for the hundredth time. As if hearing her desperate thoughts, Jin Guyangyao placed his hand on top of her and squeezed gently. He smiled at her, his dimples winking at her and she fell a little bit in love. She did not know what the future had in store for them so she will focus on the now.

Nie Mingjue could not, for the life of him, look away from Lan Xichen. It was like all his self control had been crushed by all that had transpired today. He heard Jiang Yanli giggle at him, and shot her a sheepish smile. The younger woman shook her head and clutched her husband’s hand tighter. Their son was sleeping soundly against his father. Mingjue returned his gaze back at Xichen and prayed to god to bless and let them be together.

Wen Xu thought of nothing and said nothing. He could only feel the warmth radiating out of his husband and felt again how cold he had always been. Not until Lan Xichen had he known what it meant to be warm. Just that and nothing.

Wen Chao was seated at the back and glared at everyone.

The doors opened and Wei Wuxian stepped in with Luo Qingyang following closely behind him. Wei Wuxian took his position at the altar and Luo Qingyang sat down at her assigned seat. Wei Wuxian was acutely aware of Lan Zhan’s gaze upon him.

Lan Zhan loves me.

I love Lan Zhan.

Those were the only thoughts in his head for the past few minutes. He was completely unaware of the almost constipated look on his face. Lan Wangji, noting his expression, leaned closer and whispered in his ear to ask whether Wei Ying was okay. Wei Wuxian jumped and almost tripped over his feet but quickly nodded that he was alright. He met Lan Wangji’s worried eyes and he called himself a thousand horrible names. How was he unable to see what was right in front of him? Now what was he going to do?

The music sounded and the bride walked down the aisle. Wen Qing was resplendent in her wedding gown. She had refused a veil and had chosen to walk alone. She had politely but firmly refused her Uncle’s offer of walking her down the aisle. If she could, she would have refused to invite him or any of Wens from the main family members altogether but alas, that would have been counterproductive. These people, specifically her Uncle, was the reason why Wei Wuxian is going to have to marry her.

If it were only about her, then Wen Qing would have stabbed Wei Wuxian with a needle at the mere thought of needing protection from him. But it was more than her or even her little brother. It was about her family. It was about little Wen Yuan. Who will protect them? So she had agreed to accept Wei Wuxian’s own protection along with the Jiang’s.

Standing in front of Wei Wuxian, Wen Qing wondered at the monumental mistake they were going to make today. As the priest began speaking, Wen Qing stared at Wei Wuxian and realised with a start that there was something different about him. She could see panic and reluctance. It surprised her. No matter how much people discredited the genius, Wen Qing knew how Wei Wuxian is too steadfast on his principles. If he had promised to protect someone, he simply would. There is no other option.

But now…

Her gaze flickered over to Lan Wangji. She had avoided looking directly at him for months. His gaze had been burdened with this emptiness under a forceful mask of indifference that had been something which Wen Qing had been simply unable to bear. She still can’t.

“Wei Wuxian,” she whispered through clenched teeth. She could see the pressure building up within him. Oh, dear. It's gonna be bad, Wen Qing thought, almost gleefully. Well she knew the marriage would not really happen anyway.

The priest asked the usual question of any objection and forever holding their peace, not at all expecting any protest because it was clearly a high class marriage so surely there will be no such drama. But the priest was not familiar with the chaotic energy of Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian’s gaze found his sister and through her calm accepting eyes, he found his strength so he opened his mouth and said, “I object.”

There was a beat of utter silence before everyone burst into chatter.

Wei Wuxian pulled himself up straight and grabbed Wen Qing’s hand. He bowed deeply over it and the chatter somehow became louder.

“I’m so sorry, Wen Qing. I don’t have an excuse. I hate to break my word but-” Wei Wuxian’s words tumbled out speedily and Wen Qing tugged him back into standing.

“Shut up, Wei Wuxian. We both knew it was going to be somewhat impossible for us to get married. Frankly, nobody wanted us to marry. Least of all, us. We will find another way. Thank you for coming this far for me and my family.” She said, her mouth curled into a half smile, eyes shining in amusement.

Wei Wuxian nodded, so grateful at her understanding.

He turned to their audience and bowed deep once again, apologising for all the inconvenience and informing them that there will be no marriage today but they can enjoy the food.

But he was not done. He had two more things to do. From the crowd of astonished faces, he searched for Lan Qiren's disapproving one and found him in the second row. Curiously, he was carefully expressionless. Wei Wuxian wondered, shouldn’t he be furious that I did not go through with the marriage?

“Master Lan, I am sorry I disappointed you today.” He said, bowing deeper and he could feel Lan Zhan finally getting over the shock. “You were right about one thing and helped me realise something very important. For that, I’m grateful beyond words.” He stood up and stared straight in his eyes when he said next, “You were right. I am in love with Lan Zhan.”

He heard several people gasp in the audience and the sound of Lan Zhan choking behind him. He turned to look at Lan Zhan, his shimmering gold eyes blown wide open, lips parted and Wei Wuxian went down. This time Wei Wuxian knelt and bowed before Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji gasped and gripped him by the shoulders to pull him up.

“I am so sorry, Lan Zhan. I’m such an absolute idiot!” Wei Wuxian cried out loudly, tears and snot streaming on his face. Lan Wangji, ever prepared, pulled out a pristine handkerchief and started to carefully wipe Wei Ying’s face.

“Wei Ying is not an idiot.” Lan Wangji said firmly, completely ignoring the chaos around him. Wei Wuxian wailed louder. “Wei Ying is intelligent, kind and beautiful.” After a pause, Lan Wangji continued, “And Wei Ying has nothing to apologise for.”

Wei Wuxian sobbed and launched himself at Lan Wangji’s arms, gasping and crying. A floodgate had opened and Wei Wuxian was swept away in the deluge. He cried of how much he loved Lan Zhan, how he had never meant to hurt Lan Zhan and how it was all because of his own stupidity. Lan Wangji smoothed his hair with gentle hands and refused all his words by saying that Wei Ying has never done anything wrong and how he is precious, which only resulted in the man in question to cry louder.

Jiang Cheng shook his head at the melodrama and muttered, 'Only Wei Wuxian.' But there was a smile on his face and when his gaze met his sister's, he could see the same relief reflected in her gaze. It is better late than never. Huaisang giggled behind his fan at the unbelievable scene and felt Jiang Cheng’s fingers wrapped around his, making his heart soar in happiness.

Lan Xichen was beside his husband, mechanically apologising to the guests and directing them to the buffet in the yard. His mind reeled and he wanted to laugh out loud in relief and happiness at the sheer stress of the entire day. Wen Qing came to stop beside him and started helping him with the guests.

“Wen Qing, you don’t have to do this. We will handle it.” Lan Xichen said quietly. Wen Qing smiled and shook her head.

“It's alright, Lan Xichen. I can do this much. Besides, it is my fault too.” Her dark eyes sparkled in mischief and Xichen could not hold back the laughter anymore. He threw his head back and laughed- relieved and happy for his brother and at his own tentative joy. He laughed for the first time today and maybe in years. Across the hall, Mingjue jerked his head to watch him and distantly he saw Wen Xu stopped talking to the person in front of him to do the same; watch Lan Xichen laugh with abandon.

In the wide open yard, Lan Qiren was picking up the food specifically laid out for the Lan members when Jiang Yanli found him.

“Master Lan,” she called out to him. Lan Qiren turned and nodded at her.

“Jin Furen, how are you?” He inquired with his plate in his hand. She was nearly done eating so had only the cup holding the desert.

“I’m very well. And you, Master Lan, how are you?” She asked lightly, smiling up at the old man.

“I’m alright. The food is good. Xichen has outdone himself.” He said with pride, his oldest nephew has always gone beyond any of his expectations, if only the man knew of it. Lan Qiren shook those morose thoughts away and reminded himself that he had seen a certain change in Xichen’s eyes today. Maybe, both of his nephews have finally been taught straight, for once, pardon the pun.

Lan Qiren and Jiang Yanli made small talk until he got to his table.

“I wanted to thank you for helping A-xian.” Jiang Yanli said softly, a shine of joy in her eyes.

Lan Qiren cleared his throat, picking up the spoon, he asked, “What makes you think I have helped your brother?”

Yanli’s smile widened an inch broader. “A-xian did mention you at the altar.”

Lan Qiren’s lips twitched, his eyes twinkled in amusement and he cleared his throat once more. He inclined his head to indicate his agreement.

Jiang Yanli was almost going to leave it at that when a curious question rose in her mind. “Master Lan, what did you really say to my brother? We all have been trying to tell him in so many ways, so how?”

Lan Qiren almost smirked, before nonchalantly replied, “Your wayward brother needs very direct words to understand something as complicated as his feelings. I merely congratulated him on his good fortune on marrying a fine young woman as Wen Qing and thanked him for allowing my nephew the respite of getting over him.”

Yanli ignored the slight against her brother and giggled at the image of the dumbfounded face that her little brother would have made when he encountered Master Lan’s speech.

“You are devious, Master Lan. Thank you.” She said, laughing and bowing at him before going to look for her husband and son.

Lan Qiren watched her go and smiled. He was relieved that his plan had worked. He knew that Wei Wuxian would have worked out the truth eventually but the amount of pain his nephew would have had to bear in the meantime was simply unacceptable to Lan Qiren. He sighed and titled his head up to gaze at the clear blue sky. He can return to his mountain abode and watch over the young ones in peace now. His youngest nephew will be happy.

No, what worries him the most is his oldest nephew. Lan Qiren had always been more concerned about Lan Xichen than Lan Wangji. If his oldest nephew was under the mistaken assumption that no one saw through his misery then he was a fool. Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji had always been too keen on sacrificing their happiness to make the people they love happy. But they always forget that loving and caring for someone comes with a two way street. Once, four years ago, Lan Qiren had been powerless to stop Lan Xichen from making the biggest mistake of his life. Lan Qiren, along with all those who love Lan Xichen, had been a silent and helpless spectator in the life he had been leading. Lan Xichen had been very careful of never revealing his loneliness to anyone except for that one time. He does not think that even his nephew remembered it. His nephew got so drunk that he had let everything out.

Lan Qiren was still haunted by Lan Xichen questions; his second guesses about his marriage, about himself and the utter loneliness of it all. All the Lans are essentially creatures of love. So are all human beings, Lan Qiren stressed in head. He might be biassed but among all, Lan Qiren thinks, his nephews deserve it the most. He may not have been able to prevent the pain of his oldest but by god, he will do everything in his power for his youngest.

His eyes searched for his nephews and found his oldest. Lan Xichen was laughing at something Wen Qing had said. Lan Qiren’s eyes clouded over in tears and he could feel a lump in his throat. He hadn’t seen Lan Xichen laugh so abundantly in so long. Through the corner of his eyes, he saw Lan Wangji come into view with Wei Wuxian tucked against his side. Even from a distance he could see the joy in his youngest nephew. Lan Qiren swallowed. Yes, this is all he had ever wanted. Love and happiness for his nephews, who were really his sons.

***

Lan Xichen slipped inside the car with tinted windows and leaned back against the seat. He had managed a short goodbye to Nie Mingjue with a promise of calling him later. He had found his little brother, deliriously happy, with an apologetic Wei Wuxian plastered to his side. Lan Xichen had smiled his coldest smile and had sweetly warned Wei Wuxian that if he ever hurt his little brother again then he would make mincemeat out of him. While Wei Wuxian had laughed nervously and solemnly promised of never daring to do anything to hurt his precious Lan Zhan, the man in question had not taken his older brother’s threat against his equally precious kindly and had told him off with the tips of his ears red in embarrassment. Lan Xichen had made the mistake of cooing at his brother and had received his harshest glare in response.

He had said goodbye to a relaxed Wen Qing and fussy A-yuan who had cried to be held by Lan Wangji and to be closer to his Xian gege. The wish was fulfilled in an instant and Lan Xichen had bid goodbye to his brother and Wei Wuxian with a sleepy A-yuan between them. He had seen a sneaky Nie Huaisang and an embarrassed Jiang Cheng making their way towards the latter's car, going off to who knows where. A-yao had been amused by everything and had promised to write to him soon while Qin Su had watched both of them with hawk-like eyes. Lan Xichen had waved them goodbye, returning the sentiment of writing to him as well. There was much he wanted to share with his dearest friend, A-yao.

Now all Lan Xichen will have to do is to end his marriage, start a new relationship with his first love and make sure that Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing’s failure at getting hitched does not create problems. That's all. Easy peasy. Xichen chuckled at his sarcastic thoughts.

The door on the other side opened and Wen Xu slid inside the car. The moment he settled, he sweaped a glance at Lan Xichen and knocked sharply on the roof. The car smoothly glided towards their home.

After a beat of silence, Xichen blurted out, “I want a divorce.”

He felt Wen Xu’s breath caught against his throat and for a second he froze. Then he leaned forward and took out his black briefcase. He opened it, rifled through the papers and wordlessly, handed a large brown paper envelope to Lan Xichen.

Sceptically, Lan Xichen took the papers out of the envelope and gave it a cursory read. He gasped, bewildered.

“When…?” Lan Xichen whispered, his unasked question hung in the thick air, When did you draw out our divorce papers?

“Three years ago.” Wen Xu answered monotonously.

Xichen’s head snapped to meet his husband’s expressionless face.

“Why?” he asked confusedly.

“I’m not an idiot, Lan Xichen. I know you have never been happy with me.” Lan Xichen's eyes widened at the bitterness behind those words. “I also know you have always had someone else in your heart.”

Mingjue.

Lan Xichen blushed in embarrassment but asked the one question which made no sense to him, “Why are you agreeing so easily?”

In their four years of marriage, for the first time, Lan Xichen saw his husband smile, not big, just a small one. It was nice. His smile.

“Because you wanted it, Xichen. The entire time we have been married you have never once asked anything from me. Never anything for yourself. How can I not give you what you really want?” His voice was strangely gentle. Lan Xichen was gaping at his husband like a complete fool. Who is this man?

“Besides, the reason for our marriage had already been resolved. So there is no need to make each other miserable longer than necessary.” Wen Xu said, turning away from him. Now this sounds like his husband.

Lan Xichen stared at Wen Xu’s profile and said, “I’m sorry. I-”

Instantly Wen Xu’s eyes snapped to meet his gaze. His amber eyes burned intensely when he uttered in a low voice, “Don’t.”

Lan Xichen held his gaze for a second longer and said nothing.

Wen Xu’s eyes bored into him as if trying to memorise him and then softly he said, “Let your lawyers talk to mine and we will get everything over quickly and painlessly. Don’t worry about the little mess that your little brother’s boyfriend and my little cousin had made. I will talk to Father. There will be nothing coming between your brother’s happiness. Or yours.”

Lan Xichen gulped and the final knot inside him released its choking hold. He could finally breathe.

“Thank you.” He whispered, unable to hold Wen Xu's gaze any longer, he stared down at his white knuckle grip on the divorce papers.

If he had looked up then Xichen would have seen the hard flint in Wen Xu’s dark eyes melt into molten lava. His gaze strayed at the top of Lan Xichen’s head and his hand almost raised in the instinctive desire to touch him but he stopped just as suddenly.

Shouldn’t letting someone go be easier if you had never had them in the first place? Why is it so hard for him to let go of Lan Xichen? Why is it so difficult to let go of these pesky emotions?

Wen Xu forced himself to look away. “You are welcome.”

Under the orange glow of the setting sun, the car joined the multitude of others on the highway and sped swiftly along the road. It carried the fragile hope of one, a controlled despair of another and the weighted silence between them.

The longest day of the year was finally over.

*** *** ***

Every single moment

Is a flower bud,

A flower bud

That blooms through my passion!

That Every Moment Is a Flower Bud

by Chong Hyon-jong (1939 – present)

1989

(Translated by Jido Ahn. March 2016)